Jewish World Review July 5, 2007 / 19 Tamuz, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Al Gore's son was pulled over by cops in Southern California Tuesday going one hundred miles an hour in his Prius. He had marijuana, Valium, Xanax and Vicodin in the car. The Los Angeles Times headline read, Prius Goes One Hundred Miles an Hour.
Prince William and Prince Harry held a star-studded rock concert in tribute to Princess Diana Sunday at Wembley Stadium in London. Kiefer Sutherland was one of the concert's emcees. He rents himself out as a scarecrow to keep away the terrorists.
Los Angeles police launched a security review of the Hollywood nightclub scene to prevent a terrorist attack. The threat is very real. Last night a Palestinian walked into the Comedy Store with Robin Williams's latest movie strapped to his chest.
The Hilton Hotels Corporation was purchased by the Blackstone Group for twenty-six billion dollars Tuesday. One billion dollars of that goes to the Hilton Family Trust. And to think that when Paris Hilton said she met G-d in jail, everybody laughed.
Bill Clinton was dutifully humble while he introduced Hillary to an Iowa crowd Monday night. He discussed her accomplishments, not his, and the Iowa audience just ate it up. He hasn't enjoyed a back seat role this much since he drove a 1967 Mustang.
Hillary Clinton's head strategist, Mark Penn, was accused in a lawsuit Wednesday of illegally wiretapping a former business partner. It shocked many people. Bill Clinton just made up his mind he will only speak to women on the phone in Navajo Code.
Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa admitted Tuesday to an affair with Telemundo reporter Mirthala Salinas. NBC is sorrier than ever that L.A. lost the Olympics bid. If Los Angeles got to host the Olympic Games, adultery would be a demonstration sport.
The National War Tax Resistance Coordinating Committee asked Americans Tuesday to register their protest against the Iraq war by requesting pay cuts so they don't make enough money to pay taxes. These people will go to jail if they don't pay their taxes. Any illegal alien will tell them that low pay is not enough to get you amnesty.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton