Jewish World Review July 3, 2007 / 17 Tamuz, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Tom Cruise will play Claus von Stauffenberg in the new movie Valkyrie. He was a German aristocrat who tried to kill Hitler with a briefcase bomb. When Tom Cruise fails to kill the Fuhrer, Homeland Security calls a press briefing and takes credit for foiling the plot.
Apple's new cell phone came out Friday featuring a hand-held wireless Internet connection. Anything you do on it can be picked up by U.S. spy satellites. As soon as this gets around, there will be a five-block line to buy two tin cans and a string.
Senator Pat Leahy vowed to take the White House to the Supreme Court to obtain testimony about warrantless wiretapping. His efforts went nowhere. The Supreme Court looked at the case and ruled that the White House must have segregated drinking fountains.
Fidel Castro said Sunday he's angry the CIA tried to poison him fifty years ago with a hooker and a milkshake. He's never been the same. To this day, whenever he goes to the drive-through he orders the kid behind to window to test the hooker first.
Barack Obama on Sunday reported his campaign raised thirty-two million dollars in the second quarter. He beat Hillary Clinton by ten million dollars. His donations come from Democrats who are exhausted by the whole Clinton psychodrama, while her donations come from comedians who only want to work half-days for the next eight years.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton