Jewish World Review July 26, 2006 / 1 Menachem-Av, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Weather Channel reported the West in the grip of record heat Monday. One hundred and twelve degree days have become common. It was so hot that fourteen hundred people were caught at the Mexican border Sunday and returned to Los Angeles.
The New York Mercantile Exchange reported Monday that the price of oil hit a new high of seventy-six dollars a barrel. It's not all bad news. Freeway shootings have greatly decreased in Southern California ever since it became too expensive to drive.
Arnold Schwarzenegger said Monday he'll oppose a ballot measure that would drastically raise cigarette taxes in California. It's no surprise. Smoking gives you something to do with your hands, and that could save him millions in sexual harassment settlements.
The National Review magazine said Monday conservatives are favoring Newt Gingrich for president. He talks before he thinks, and he left his second wife for his office intern. Stand-up comics are lighting candles and sacrificing goats to make it happen.
Hillary Clinton on Monday promised subsidized health care, subsidized education and higher wages to people who behave responsibly. It would all be funded by higher taxes on the rich. By dividing the nation into those who are entitled and those who should feel guilty, she has modeled her entire national agenda on her marriage.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton