Jewish World Review July 25, 2006 / 29 Tamuz, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Floyd Landis arrived at the Champs Elysee in triumph on Sunday as the winner of the Tour de France. He is from a strict Amish family in Pennsylvania. He had an unfair advantage over the other cyclists when you consider he was riding a horse.
New York Yankees star Alex Rodriguez was crucified in the New York newspapers Monday. He's slumping at the plate and his play in the field is atrocious. Last Friday his throws were so wild that Hezbollah took credit for them when they landed.
The White House sent Condoleezza Rice to the Middle East Sunday as the refugee crisis worsened in Lebanon. The bad news is that only half the Americans in Beirut have been rescued. The good news is, we have almost finished evacuating New Orleans.
The State Department had difficulty processing Americans fleeing Lebanon on Sunday. Officials admitted it's hard to move that many people across a border without paperwork. There are just some things that Mexico is better at than we are.
Syria said Sunday it's willing to have talks with the U.S. to help resolve the conflict in Lebanon. That is totally in character. Syria is Iran's understudy in the Axis of Evil and they're always trying to think of a way to get into the show.
Hillary Clinton addressed the World Transplant Congress in Boston Sunday. It was a real gratitude-fest. She owes her success in the Senate to the transplant surgeons who removed the right wing from her rear end and implanted it in her brain.
Donald Trump's Miss Universe Pageant was held in Los Angeles on Sunday. He freely admits that he's the luckiest husband in the world. Donald Trump wound up with a woman who married him for his money and fame and not for who he really is.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton