Jewish World Review July 20, 2006 / 24 Tamuz, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The British Open begins today at Hoylake under the threat of brushfires. The conditions are dangerous. When the club said it's using goats to eat the highly flammable bushes, the Arab League hatched a plot to smuggle one into the White House.
Al Gore made the cover of Entertainment Weekly Friday as the unlikeliest movie star of the summer. It's big news in Los Angeles. Now that Al Gore can introduce you to a Hollywood director he truly is the most powerful vice president in history.
Southern California baked under record-high heat this week. The consequences are lethal. Human rights groups say illegal aliens risk getting heat stroke, and that's just when they walk out onto the driveway to pick up their Los Angeles Times.
The New York Supreme Court upheld a state law banning same-sex marriage. The issue is fading. Ever since Wedding Crashers publicized all the free food and easy bridesmaids, the idea of traditional marriage is starting to grow on Democrats.
The Space Shuttle Discovery landed safely at Cape Canaveral Monday. NASA had a very narrow window for the landing. They had to get the spacecraft down after North Korea's missile launch and before the Hezbollah rockets took off for Tel Aviv.
Indonesia was struck by a big earthquake Monday followed by a six-foot tidal wave. American help arrived before the shaking stopped. There's oil in Indonesia, prompting the State Department to tell Israel to please leave a message at the beep.
Israel sent warplanes into Lebanon Monday to bomb Hezbollah rocket launchers in the hills and hideouts in Beirut. Diplomacy is not impossible. Hezbollah's sworn goal is the destruction of Israel, but they have some flexibility on the exact date.
Hillary Clinton flew to Arkansas Monday and visited the home in Fayetteville that Bill Clinton bought her when they first got married. It's quite a shrine. There's a sign outside the house telling motorists they are ninety miles from Tulsa.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton