Jewish World Review July 19, 2006 / 23 Tamuz, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The British Open begins Thursday in Liverpool with Tiger Woods listed as the favorite. He's asked that all players be checked for using illegal drivers. The suggestion went over like the Beirut Dinner Theater premiere of Fiddler on the Roof.
Jose Canseco told a television interviewer Saturday that you can tell which major league baseball players use steroids by looking at them. The sluggers certainly looked different way back in the Seventies. Cocaine was nothing if not slenderizing.
Lebanon asked President Bush to intervene Sunday and halt the war that broke out last week. Lebanon is a French possession, like Vietnam and Haiti. Being an ally of France is a lot like having a brother-in-law with a gambling problem and no car.
Hezbollah guerrillas launched long-range rockets Sunday which carried all the way down to Nazareth in central Israel. It's the boyhood home of Jesus. To anger more Americans they would have to shell the North Pole and kill Santa Claus.
Condoleezza Rice said Sunday she's weighing Mideast diplomatic options. Right now, U.S. policy is to pressure Egypt to pressure Iran to pressure Syria to pressure Hezbollah to recognize Israel's right to exist. If you answered yes to two of these five possibilities it means that you definitely have a problem with marijuana.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton