Jewish World Review July 18, 2006 / 22 Tamuz, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Barry Bonds's lawyer said Friday she expects him to be indicted this week by a San Francisco grand jury. The prosecutor says he lied about his drug use and he gave unreported cash to his mistress. It's a mystery why he is booed in Los Angeles.
The Group of Eight leaders toasted each other at the banquet in St. Petersburg Saturday. It was a little bit tense. After one glass of wine, the president of France head-butted the prime minister of Italy and was red-carded and forced to miss dessert.
The Arab League voted Saturday to declare the Middle East peace process to be dead. They don't have the clout they once had. In five years Americans will be running their cars on chicken droppings and Tyson Foods will be the new Saudi Arabia.
North Korea vowed to continue missile testing Saturday after the U.N. Security Council voted to impose sanctions. Right now an unstable individual controls missiles that can reach Los Angeles. At last someone has a plan to deal with the traffic and illegal immigration.
Rudy Giuliani's former wife, TV host Donna Hanover, was reported Thursday to have taken a job as an online love and sex coach. Nice gig. Bill Clinton just figured out how to make a hundred thousand dollars a speech without leaving his den.
Albert Einstein's love letters to his mistresses were released Wednesday. He was so romantic. One time he took a beautiful woman to dinner, and when she ordered pasta and mushrooms he promised to make her a mushroom that will really impress her.
Ben Roethlisberger revealed Monday his motorcycle accident last month nearly killed him. He went flying through a windshield without a helmet. We're here to tell the French that America takes a back seat to no one in the art of head-butting.
Vladimir Putin horrified Russian family and church groups on Tuesday. He was shown on television lifting a little boy's shirt in a Moscow square and kissing him on the belly. Being a dictator isn't enough, now he wants to be the King of Pop.
CIA operative Valerie Plame sued Dick Cheney and Scooter Libby and Karl Rove Thursday. She says she feared for her life after they told reporters her true identity. No one was supposed to know she was Wonder Woman until the movie came out.
North Korean leader Kim Jong Il threatened an all-out war Thursday. He keeps a harem of women and washes down amphetamines with two quarts of Cognac a day. He is just one more Asian leader that President Bush will have to take to Graceland.
House Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi told the Wall Street Journal Thursday that if the Democrats win control of the House in November she will use her power as Speaker to pay down the deficit. That's just what Wall Street likes to hear. They paid her six bucks a minute to say it over and over while barking like a puppy.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
Comment by clicking here.
© 2006, Argus Hamilton