Jewish World Review July 14, 2006 / 18 Tamuz, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Albert Einstein's love letters to his mistresses were released Wednesday. He was so romantic. One time he took a beautiful woman to dinner, and when she ordered pasta and mushrooms he promised to make her a mushroom that will really impress her.
Major League Baseball had its annual All-Star Game in Pittsburgh Monday. The pre-game batting practice was halted by a storm. At the first sound of thunder, the players scattered like somebody had just discovered a test for human growth hormone.
Vladimir Putin ridiculed Dick Cheney's criticism of Russian policy Wednesday as another shotgun misfire. The vice president shouldn't reply. If shooting a Republican lawyer in the face doesn't win a KGB agent's trust in your judgment, perhaps nothing ever will.
Germany's Chancellor Angela Merkel greeted President Bush Wednesday. American presidents always love flying to Berlin. You have never really heard Hail to the Chief until you've heard sixty thousand Germans singing it as you step off the plane.
Southwest Airlines busted a pilot at the Salt Lake City Airport Sunday for having alcohol on his breath before take-off. He had no time to sober up. Southwest pilots have to scramble for the best seats in the cockpit the moment boarding is announced.
Saddam Hussein went on a hunger strike Wednesday to protest the poor security provided for his defense lawyers. In the last month, three have been shot and killed by gunmen. They've got to stop taking the freeway to the Los Angeles Airport.
The Pentagon tested an anti-missile system in New Mexico Wednesday. The test was an incomplete success. While the interceptor was shooting down the incoming missile, three thousand illegal aliens walked right across the border under its nose.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton