Jewish World Review July 28, 2005 / 21 Tamuz, 5765
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Wedding Crashers was ripped by evangelicals Thursday for
portraying weddings as a great place to pick up women for one-
night stands. Hollywood doesn't want to lose their business. So
next week the movie's dialogue will be dubbed in Aramaic.
Lance Armstrong revealed Monday that he is weighing a run
for public office in Texas. This could result in embarrassing and
humiliating revelations about his life. Both political parties
have photographs of him toasting the French people.
The White House dropped the phrase War on Terror Friday when
polls showed no one thought we were winning it. They think they
know how to make it more popular. They're going to stop calling it
the War on Terror and start calling it Shrek Three.
The Democratic Leadership Council on Tuesday demanded that
the Democratic Party return to the mainstream values of America.
They are essentially pitching to voters in the South. The DLC
platform stands for a strong national defense, opposition to
illegal immigration, support of free trade, and labor union
support from the E.I.E.I.O.
The State Department issued an advisory Tuesday warning
Americans it's risky to travel to Mexico. It's most dangerous near
the border on any of the routes going south. It's never safe to
buck the crowd during the Running of the Landscapers.
The American Bar Association is holding its convention at
the Marriott Hotel in Chicago Sunday. The lawyers aren't stupid.
The Al Capone Ballroom is swept for bugging devices every morning,
so it's the perfect place for the Legal Ethics seminar.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2005, Argus Hamilton