Jewish World Review July 22, 2005 / 15 Tamuz, 5765
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Sandra Day O'Connor said Wednesday she's disappointed that Judge John Roberts is not a woman. That's the way the mop flops. The morning after the nomination every woman in America opened her computer and the screen read You've Got White Male.
John Roberts made the rounds on Capitol Hill Wednesday. He has said Roe versus Wade is wrong and ought to be overturned but it is the settled law of the land. Hillary Clinton offered him fifty bucks for the joke so she could add it to her act.
Hillary Clinton issued a careful statement Wednesday about the nomination of John Roberts for Supreme Court. What could she do? Democrats would prefer someone black, someone gay or someone female, but Michael Jackson is out of the question.
The Boston Globe reported Wednesday that John Roberts was a clean-living student at Harvard. Classmates say he didn't party or drink or use drugs. He even walked out of Animal House when he did not see Jane Goodall's name in the opening credits.
John Roberts wrote that the government overstepped its authority when the Endangered Species Act was used to protect a toad that lives only in California. Toads don't need any protection out here. All they have to do is kill their wives and they walk free.
Tiger Woods was blasted in letters to newspapers Monday for shouting profanities and sexual vulgarisms while he was live on the air during the British Open. It's obvious what's going on here. When his golf career is over he wants to go into radio.
The NFL reported major progress in negotiations Tuesday to bring an NFL team to the Los Angeles Coliseum. There are tens of thousands of Raider fans that are aching to get back to the Coliseum. They haven't eaten a Christian in ten years.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2005, Argus Hamilton