Jewish World Review July 20, 2005 / 13 Tamuz, 5765
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince came out Friday,
pitting Harry against the menacing Lord Voldemort. These books
perform a vital public service. They teach Anglo-Saxon children to
always associate French surnames with evil and danger.
Florida teacher Debby Lafave failed to get probation Monday
for seducing her schoolboys. Her lawyers argued that she's too
attractive to be sent to prison. Blondes need to learn that the
Los Angeles flag doesn't follow them wherever they go.
The Transpacific Yacht Race from Los Angeles to Honolulu
started Sunday from the Palos Verdes Peninsula. There is no
shortage of dark clouds in the sky. If Democrats had their way,
all yacht races would begin a half-mile above Niagara Falls.
President Bush hosted a state dinner for India's prime
minister Monday. He's Hindu. They believe if a customer service
representative for Ford leads a good life he will come back in the
next life as a customer service representative for BMW.
The U.S. Senate holds hearings today on ways to speed up the
economic progress in Iraq. The Iraqis fear for their survival.
They refuse to invest in their own businesses until the U.S.
pledges not to open a Wal-Mart within fifty miles of them.
Alberto Gonzales announced Monday that methamphetamine has
now passed marijuana as the greatest threat to American children.
That's one way of looking at it. A more positive person would say
we've just turned the corner on the obesity epidemic.
Hillary Clinton demanded on Monday that illegal immigrants
be allowed to attend U.S. colleges. Her feeling is that children
should not be penalized for the crimes of the parents. It's the
only thing that keeps Chelsea from killing them.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2005, Argus Hamilton