Jewish World Review July 18, 2005 / 11 Tamuz, 5765
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Wedding Crashers was released Friday about a couple of guys
who like to crash wedding receptions just to pick up the
bridesmaids. It drew huge audiences all weekend. Democrats are
right when they say that their values are the country's values.
Balco founder Victor Conte pleaded guilty Friday to
distributing steroids to ballplayers. His penalty is being
considered. After the low ratings came in for last week's All-Star
Game, he could get the Major League Baseball catering contract.
WorldCom's former CEO Bernie Ebbers got twenty-five years in
prison Wednesday for cheating company shareholders. However, he's
not banned from investing while in prison. He can have his head in
the stocks or he can have his feet in the stocks.
Great Britain arrested the subway bombmaker in Egypt Friday.
They learned he studied science in the United States. Thank
goodness, because if he had studied science in a nation with a
decent school system imagine the bomb he could have made.
The British Open is center stage today in Scotland.
Conditions can instantly turn from sunny and warm to cold and dark
and howling. However, British Muslims can avoid this if they wear
western street clothes and tell everyone they're Italian.
Kobe Bryant, it was announced Thursday, will appear in his
first TV commercial in two years. He may not like the script at
all. A hotel concierge is sent to purgatory and must choose
between showing Russell Crowe or Kobe Bryant to his room.
Cuba hinted on Wednesday it will no longer participate in
the World Baseball Classic. The tourney was held in Havana just
once. Six times in one game a Cuban baserunner was thrown out
trying go from first base to Florida on a single to right.
Howard Dean spoke to the NAACP Convention in Milwaukee
Thursday where he accused the Republicans of maintaining a
Southern Strategy. One side of his family founded Merrill Lynch
and the other side founded Dean Witter. The only time this
Democrat ever went South was when he bought WorldCom at ninety
dollars a share.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2005, Argus Hamilton