Jewish World Review July 15, 2005 / 8 Tamuz, 5765
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Space Shuttle Discovery was pulled off the launching pad
Wednesday seven minutes before the blast-off. Somebody noticed
that the fuel gauge read almost empty. At today's gas prices, not
even NASA puts in more than ten dollars at a time.
Wedding Crashers opens today about two guys who crash
wedding receptions and seduce the bridesmaids. The movie is having
a ripple effect. With all that free food and easy sex the idea of
traditional marriage is starting to grow on Democrats.
Major League Baseball's All-Star game drew record-low
ratings Tuesday. There were no superstar home-run hitters. Any day
now Bud Selig will repeal his ban on steroids when it's discovered
that performance-enhancing drugs help fight terrorism.
The British Open is underway this week at St. Andrews in
Scotland. It's quite a test. The golfers face a long and
unforgiving course dotted with one hundred and twelve bunkers up
to six feet deep, and that's just airport security at Heathrow.
White House advisor Karl Rove found himself in possible
legal jeopardy after his lawyer conceded that Rove secretly outed
a female CIA agent to a reporter. That's politics. One day you're
on the cover of Time and the next day you're doing it.
Hillary Clinton said Wednesday she wants an investigation of
the video game Grand Theft Auto. She just found out that it's
possible to download pornography off the Internet and hide it
inside a video game. London bookies just posted three-to-one odds
that Bill Clinton will learn to use a computer by the end of the week.
War of the Worlds starring Tom Cruise saved Hollywood's
summer with its tale of an alien assault on New Jersey. If the
world ever really comes to an end, the place you want to be is
Bakersfield. It takes ten years for everything to get there.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2005, Argus Hamilton