Jewish World Review July 14, 2005 / 7 Tamuz, 5765
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
War of the Worlds made two hundred million at the box office
by Monday. It's a smash. The movie is doing so well that Michael
Moore is making a documentary that claims President Bush knew the
aliens were coming and did nothing to stop them.
Major League Baseball had its All-Star Game Tuesday in
Detroit. The fans had no idea what to expect. The American League
was favored after the Supreme Court gave the mayor of Detroit the
green light to steal home if it improves the tax base.
The Department of Energy reported that gasoline prices hit a
new high at the pump Monday as retail prices in big cities neared
three dollars a gallon. It's still a bargain. If you ride the
train your life insurance premiums are unbelievable.
Bill Clinton on Monday announced plans to host the Clinton
Global Initiative in September and he summoned all world leaders
to attend. It just never ends. If Copernicus had been a baby
boomer he would have proved the world revolves around him.
South Korea shipped North Korea five hundred thousand tons
of rice Monday as a goodwill gesture. It's a mistake. We've known
for a year that North Korea might have a nuclear weapon but until
now they were too weak with hunger to push a button.
Iranian students rioted in Teheran Tuesday over the jailing
of a reporter by the government. It's a world pandemic. It won't
be long before we learn that Tom Brokaw, Dan Rather and Judy
Woodruff opted to retire rather than drink the Kool-Aid.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2005, Argus Hamilton