Jewish World Review July 1, 2005 / 24 Sivan, 5765
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
War of the Worlds opened in movie theaters nationwide
Thursday and drew huge crowds. People looked very relieved and
happy as they left the theaters. They couldn't believe they had
just witnessed a war that ended in less than eleven years.
Congress voted Wednesday to chart the exact path of the
Trail of Tears where Andrew Jackson forced the Cherokees to move
from Georgia to Oklahoma. No one was thinking clearly. This was
the only war in history where the loser got the oil land.
The Los Angeles Lakers took seventeen-year-old Andrew Bynum
in the NBA draft Tuesday. The center will be the youngest player
in NBA history. He wanted to play for the Los Angeles Lakers
because their uniforms are the same color as Tinky Winky.
George Steinbrenner called an emergency meeting in Florida
Tuesday to revive his listless New York Yankees. During the
meeting the building was hit by lightning. Ever since the Yankees
went on satellite television they have angry fans everywhere.
Tom Cruise was ripped by Congress Wednesday over his
criticism of psychiatry that's based on his belief in Scientology.
It's a goofy fringe sect. Scientology is never going to be taken
seriously as a religion until they start molesting boys.
Richard Nixon's son-in-law Edward Cox said Wednesday he may
run for U.S. Senate against Hillary Clinton. The Nixon family and
Clinton family have one thing in common. They were both very
nearly run out of the White House thanks to Deep Throat.
Capitol Hill was evacuated Wednesday after a small plane
flew into restricted airspace over Washington. It interrupted the
people's business. We're never going to be able to fully shake
down all these Indian casinos unless we can sit still and concentrate.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2005, Argus Hamilton