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Jim Carney: Wrong number call may have saved her life
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Tina Susman: For woodchuck rescuer, every day is Groundhog Day
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Michael Doyle: Put through legal hell over dream home, couple fought back hard --- all the way to Supreme Court
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Jewish World Review
July 6, 2005
/ 29 Sivan, 5765
A nose for driving
By
David Grimes
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
If you want to drive like a homicidal lunatic and why wouldn't you, everybody else does consider hanging a cheeseburger from your rear-view mirror.
According to a study by a British auto club, certain odors can alter a driver's mood. Peppermint, for example, improves concentration while fast-food scents can cause irritability.
(The thinking is that the odor of fast-food wrappers makes you hungry so you speed up so that you can dine on the fine cuisine of BurgerWorld as soon as possible. Personally, I think the irritability stems from the fact that your slovenly eating habits have turned the interior of your car into a roach motel.)
This is troubling research because it adds a whole new element of fear to the already terrifying driving experience. Now, in addition to wondering whether the driver who just barreled through a red light is drunk, high on drugs or simply asleep at the wheel, we have to factor in the possibility that he had his face buried in a box of chicken nuggets.
Lawyers will almost certainly make use of this new research as "fast-food rage" becomes a legitimate defense for drivers who have flouted the rules of the road.
"I'm sorry, your honor, but I cannot accept responsibility for rear-ending that school bus. You see, I was overcome by the heady aroma of salted, partially congealed beef tallow."
My wife accuses me of driving like a 184-year-old man and I wonder now if the reason is not my innate timidity but rather an amalgamation of aromas emanating from the badly stained upholstery of my Ford Taurus.
For example, in the five minutes it takes to drive Satan I and Satan II to the vet for their rabies shots, both dogs shed enough fur that, if assembled and knit together carefully, would be sufficient to make a new (and hopefully better behaved) dog. The next time I pass my exit on the interstate without realizing it, I will blame my forgetfulness on the fumes emanating from the mattress of unvacuumed dog hair.
Then, of course, there was the time that a huge, steaming carton of moo shu pork tipped over on the back-seat carpet. Those aromas almost caused me to have an accident as I attempted to return the carton to its upright position while making a U-turn across six lanes of traffic on Bee Ridge Road. (Someone needs to do a study on the judgment-impairing qualities of Chinese food, including why we tend to order so much of it.)
It's hard to imagine how all these food-odor related problems could be counteracted by stuffing my face with peppermints. (It's also hard to imagine how some drivers could manage it since they're already busy yakking on their cell phone, shaving and reading the newspaper.)
But I do know one thing: If I see a driver chowing down on a Big Mac, I'm pulling off to the side of the road.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor David Grimes is a columnist for The Sarasota Herald Tribune. Comment by clicking here.
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