In this issue

Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review July 22, 2005 / 15 Tammuz, 5765

Permission to say no

By Lori Borgman

Lori Borgman
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Listen up, because this will happen few times in your life as a parent.

I am giving you permission to say no.

Who am I? Nobody. A voice crying in the wilderness.

Here and now, I'm telling you it is OK to tell your child no. The kid isn't going to turn into a pillar of salt or melt into a puddle of green, sticky, goo. Oh, he might buck around a bit and she might throw a hissy fit, but you've seen better theater at the Multiplex.

It's OK to say, ‘Mommy is not taking you to the park right now. Mommy is not playing Candyland or reading you a book because Mommy is tired; entertain yourself quietly for awhile. ’

As a matter of fact, there are times when saying no is better than OK, it is the best thing for both you and your child.

It's OK to say, ‘No we're not buying candy at the store, because, well, because. ’

It's OK to say, ‘No, you're not allowed to talk to me that way, freedom of speech has limits in the home. ’

It's OK to say, ‘No, you can't have a computer with Internet hookup in your bedroom behind a closed door. ’

‘No, you don't need your own television, you can watch the one in the family room. And no, you're not watching MTV, we're raising civilized human beings not sexual predators. ’

Moms and Dads, it is also fine to say, ‘No, you're not dressing like Britney, Christina and Paris. Yes, I know some of them used to be Disney dancers but they've gone from mouse ears to bunny ears and you're not going along. Our aspirations for you run higher than gyrating hips and a permanent pout stuck to your face. ’

It is even OK to tell your teenager, ‘No, you're not dying your hair orange, piercing your face six times and having some guy named Tito drill a stud into your tongue, because expressing yourself is not nearly as important as trying to fit in right now. ’

It is also OK to say, ‘No, we're not paying for college if you go on drinking binges, blow off classes, and reject the values you were raised with. That's not higher education, that's a subsidized rebellion. ’

Some of the worst peer pressure that exists today is the peer pressure among parents. Pressure to be the cool parent, pressure to say yes to every request and pressure to be your child's best friend. (And if every parent on the block hosted a co-ed sleepover, would you do it, too?)

There is a perception that you are mean if you ever say no. In reality, you are mean if you don't. Calmly saying no with a smile and confidence against a backdrop of love often constitutes doing what a parent should.

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Sure, there's an off chance your child may write a best seller one day, but is that all bad? Adult children flush with cash are more likely to help take care of parents in their golden years.

The thing is, if your kids don't hear you say no, there may come a day when you hear them say no.

‘No, I'm not into working and personal responsibility. ’

‘No, I don't respect my parents. ’

‘No, they never set any boundaries. ’

‘No, they didn't seem to care. ’

No. A small word that judiciously used now can prevent big headaches later.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Lori Borgman is the author of , most recently, "Pass the Faith, Please" (Click HERE to purchase. Sales help fund JWR.) and I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids To comment, please click here. To visit her website click here.


© 2005, Lori Borgman