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April 21, 2014

Andrew Silow-Carroll: Passoverkill? Suggestions to make next year's seders even more culturally sensitive

Sara Israelsen Hartley: Seeking the Divine: An ancient connection in a new context

Christine M. Flowers: Priest's execution in Syria should be call to action

Courtnie Erickson: How to help kids accept the poor decisions of others

Lizette Borreli: A Glass Of Milk A Day Keeps Knee Arthritis At Bay

Lizette Borreli: 5 Health Conditions Your Breath Knows Before You Do

The Kosher Gourmet by Betty Rosbottom Coconut Walnut Bars' golden brown morsels are a beautifully balanced delectable delight

April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review

Say 'yes' to saying 'no'

By Shannon Symonds


CREDIT: Shutterstock



Does everyone have an ask of you? Learn how to avoid the ask trap and get your life back


JewishWorldReview.com | When friends ask for help do you fall into the "ask trap"?

Do you worry that if you say no they will stop being your friend and not call again? Then, do you resent helping them? Do you get mad at them for asking? You're not in high school anymore. True friends will stay friends if you aren't available for every ask.

An "ask trap" is one you build yourself. Because you don't know how to say no you feel trapped by every request.

Then you resent doing things you have chosen and agreed to do.

If you find yourself saying "yes" when you really feel like saying "no", it is time to set boundaries and free yourself from self-imposed guilt. Setting boundaries for the first time can be uncomfortable. But being everyone else's helper sometimes leaves you and your family in need — in need of more of your time and attention.

WHEN YOU WANT TO SAY NO:

Know your priorities. This will give you strength when others ask for your time. List yours. For example, my priorities are G0D, self, family then friends. I also care about special causes like helping abuse survivors and raising healthy children.

Knowing these priorities helped me say no when someone with a cause that wasn't on my list pressured me to spend the afternoon hanging flyers on door knobs in my neighborhood. I was able to say, "I think that is a great cause, but I already give my volunteer hours to another group."

Learn to value your time. William Plunkett said, "Three things never come back—the spent arrow, the spoken word, and the lost opportunity." Time only passes and cannot be taken back. See your time as a precious gift. You have only been given one life gift of time. Hold it in your hand and examine each person's request to spend your time. Does it match your priorities? There are many ways to tell someone you love and care about that you are unable to do something.

WAYS TO SAY NO:

Say no with a reason and wish. "I would love to take you to the airport Saturday, but my children have soccer and I can't." Remember, the request is their problem. You do not have to solve it for them or own it. Then, wish them well.

Say no with a thank-you. "Thanks for asking, but I just can't. I hope you understand. Ask me next time." You have shown appreciation for the invite, haven't made excuses and valued their request.

Just say, "No thanks." A polite "No thanks" is sometimes all that is needed. As hard as it is, realizing we cannot make everyone happy is one of life's important lessons. Remember, you don't always have to have a reason. In a busy world and family life there are only so many hours. You can't be everything to everyone and do a good job.

Appreciate and decline. There are many great opportunities in life. Sometimes we are invited to do wonderful things that we simply can't do with our schedules and responsibilities. For example, when I was invited to a girls night out I said, "Wow, that sounds like so much fun and I could really use some time out, but I can't tonight." No reason needed, just the truth. I appreciated the idea and invite, but couldn't fit it in.


STIMULATION AND INSPIRATION

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Leave your options open. Leave your options open by letting them know you are available at another time. For example, "I wish I could, but this week is booked. Please ask me another time."

Let go. Understand that family and true friends will understand when you set a boundary and say no. You may lose acquaintances and friends who were never really friends in the first place when you say no. You are not a bad person for saying no.

Remember children watch and learn. When you model an honest "no", you are teaching them to be honest, responsible adults. When your children see you make excuses or tell lies to friends, bosses or others they learn to lie. Teach your children by example to set honest, firm but kind boundaries.

Practice makes perfect. Start small, practice a polite no thank-you to the next survey call you get. Then practice a polite appreciative declination to the next party you can't attend.

Life is made up of a series of choices and moments. Your friends, family, employers and others will have many "asks" of you. Avoid the trap of feeling obligated to say yes and then feeling resentment by learning to say no.

Remember that family and true friends will understand when you are unable to help or spend time with them.

Shannon Symonds worked 14 years as an Advocate for families experiencing Domestic or Sexual abuse while raising 6 children in Seaside Oregon. She loves to laugh, write, run, paint and most of all play with her family and friends.

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