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April 21, 2014

Andrew Silow-Carroll: Passoverkill? Suggestions to make next year's seders even more culturally sensitive

Sara Israelsen Hartley: Seeking the Divine: An ancient connection in a new context

Christine M. Flowers: Priest's execution in Syria should be call to action

Courtnie Erickson: How to help kids accept the poor decisions of others

Lizette Borreli: A Glass Of Milk A Day Keeps Knee Arthritis At Bay

Lizette Borreli: 5 Health Conditions Your Breath Knows Before You Do

The Kosher Gourmet by Betty Rosbottom Coconut Walnut Bars' golden brown morsels are a beautifully balanced delectable delight

April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review June 10, 2014 / 12 Sivan, 5774

Japanese company makes moon next frontier for branding

By Rex Huppke




http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Fasten your seat belts, fellow Americans. We're about to soar full-throttle into another space race.

If you haven't heard, a Japanese sports drink manufacturer has concocted a plan to place a shiny blue titanium container of its Pocari Sweat beverage mix on the lunar surface late next year.

That's right. Japan is poised to become the first country to put an advertisement on the moon -- OUR moon, the one we claimed with an American flag and "one small step" and all that good, patriotic stuff.

Putting a man on the moon was fine if you're into that sort of thing, but putting an ad up there is truly inspirational. It's spreading capitalism to outer space. It's marketing where no one has marketed before.

The company behind this nefarious moon-jacking is Otsuka Pharmaceutical, makers of everything from New Saralin (a gentle laxative) to Jog Mate Protein Jelly (a gentle protein jelly?) and, of course, the popular and mildly grapefruit-like Japanese sports drink, Pocari Sweat. I don't know what a pocari is or why anyone would want to drink its sweat, but I'm sure it pales in comparison to our delicious American sports beverages.

Otsuka's space canister looks exactly like a can of Pocari Sweat. The company is encouraging children to electronically submit their life dreams, which will be engraved on titanium plates and inserted in the canister.

Otsuka's website tells these children to "look up to the moon whenever you feel down. The words you entrusted to the moon are sure to give you the energy to chase your dreams again."

Oh, barf. It's bad enough Japan is stealing our valuable moon advertising space. Must the country also swipe our weapons-grade American schmaltz?

America must respond to this brash attempt by the Japanese to plant a garish space billboard on our lunar property. And the only way to respond is by plating our own garish space billboard there first.

We could certainly parrot Otsuka's plan by blasting a bottle of Gatorade moonward. Maybe tweak Neil Armstrong's famous words a bit: "That's one small step for man, boy am I thirsty."

Or we could tell Donald Trump that Oprah Winfrey is going to be the first to put a sign bearing her name on the moon, then let Trump's ego do the rest.

But I think we should focus on the one thing all Americans love to see advertised these days: themselves. Thanks to Twitter and Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn, we now stand united in our love of promoting our own personal brands.



So let's beat the Japanese at space branding by becoming the first country to put a selfie on the moon. Since I'm brave and willing to put my selfie in grave danger, I'll volunteer.

My selfie will be placed on a titanium placard. On the back, we will engrave the dreams of American children who hope one day they can grow up to be me.

All I need is a wealthy sponsor to fund this project and get the selfie to the moon before the Japanese deliver their gross sweat can.

This is important, people. The race to the moon in the 1960s brought us together as a nation, and I'm sure the race to put a selfie on the moon will bring us together as a nation of individuals who care primarily about themselves.

As President John F. Kennedy said at Rice University in 1962: "For the eyes of the world now look into space, to the moon and to the planets beyond, and we have vowed that we shall not see it governed by a hostile flag of conquest, but by a banner of freedom and peace."

I'm sure he meant those words to hold true for advertising as well. After all, this is America.

Ask not what your selfie can do for you, ask what you can do for your selfie.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

Rex Huppke is a columnist for The Chicago Tribune. Comment by clicking here.


Previously:
Does Facebook acquisition doom real reality?
Hasn't science done enough harm to humanity?
Buzzwords are evil and must be stopped
Bosses: First de-stupidicate your bright ideas
The 1 acronym you need to succeed at work: FEAR





© 2013, The Chicago Tribune. Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services.

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