Jewish World Review June 10, 2014 / 12 Sivan, 5774
Japanese company makes moon next frontier for branding
By Rex Huppke
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Fasten your seat belts, fellow Americans. We're about to soar full-throttle into another space race.
If you haven't heard, a Japanese sports drink manufacturer has concocted a plan to place a shiny blue titanium container of its Pocari Sweat beverage mix on the lunar surface late next year.
Putting a man on the moon was fine if you're into that sort of thing, but putting an ad up there is truly inspirational. It's spreading capitalism to outer space. It's marketing where no one has marketed before.
The company behind this nefarious moon-jacking is Otsuka Pharmaceutical, makers of everything from New Saralin (a gentle laxative) to Jog Mate Protein Jelly (a gentle protein jelly?) and, of course, the popular and mildly grapefruit-like Japanese sports drink, Pocari Sweat. I don't know what a pocari is or why anyone would want to drink its sweat, but I'm sure it pales in comparison to our delicious American sports beverages.
Oh, barf. It's bad enough
America must respond to this brash attempt by the Japanese to plant a garish space billboard on our lunar property. And the only way to respond is by plating our own garish space billboard there first.
We could certainly parrot
Or we could tell
But I think we should focus on the one thing all Americans love to see advertised these days: themselves. Thanks to Twitter and
So let's beat the Japanese at space branding by becoming the first country to put a selfie on the moon. Since I'm brave and willing to put my selfie in grave danger, I'll volunteer.
My selfie will be placed on a titanium placard. On the back, we will engrave the dreams of American children who hope one day they can grow up to be me.
All I need is a wealthy sponsor to fund this project and get the selfie to the moon before the Japanese deliver their gross sweat can.
This is important, people. The race to the moon in the 1960s brought us together as a nation, and I'm sure the race to put a selfie on the moon will bring us together as a nation of individuals who care primarily about themselves.
I'm sure he meant those words to hold true for advertising as well. After all, this is America.
Ask not what your selfie can do for you, ask what you can do for your selfie.
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Rex Huppke is a columnist for The Chicago Tribune. Comment by clicking here.
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=<< © 2013, The Chicago Tribune. Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services.
© 2013, The Chicago Tribune. Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services.