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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review June 26, 2013/ 18 Tamuz, 5773

Starbucks children: One shot chocolate, one shot annoying

By Greg Schwem



JewishWorldReview.com | The Starbucks was buzzing, which was to be expected considering it was just after 8:30 a.m. Still, the line moved swiftly, and within moments, the only customers ahead of me were a woman and her preschool-aged son. She ordered first.

"Triple Grande skinny Caramel Macchiato, low foam."

I silently vowed this would be the day I emailed Starbucks with my long-simmering suggestion to create a separate line for anybody whose drink order contained more than 10 syllables. It would please millions of customers like me who frequent the chain in search of a "tall black coffee."

"Next?" the barista said. I stepped up.

"And I'll have--"

The woman cut me off. "My son is next."

"Sorry," I replied. "I figured you would have ordered for him."

"He likes to do it himself. Go ahead, Justin."

"Grande Frappuccino. One pump hazelnut, one pump white mocha and one pump vanilla. No whip, easy ice."

I've seen countless Justins at Starbucks: little kids who follow their parent's impossible-to-comprehend coffee orders with equally complex orders of their own. I find them all equally irritating. Their moms and dads smile proudly, as if their children's ability to say "Caffe Americano" while still wearing Pull-Ups will somehow get them accepted into an Ivy League institution. On the contrary; pretentious kids like Justin usually become bullying targets before the whip cream in their Venti Caramel Apple Spice dissolves. I stepped up again.

"And I'll have--"

"Ma'am, did you say easy foam on the Macchiato?" the barista said.

"No. Low foam."

"So, like, a quarter foam?"

"Slightly more than a quarter. But less than half."

"Okaaay," she said in her most pleasant, confused voice.

"Frappuccino. One pump hazelnut, one pump white mocha and one pump vanilla. No whip, easy ice is up," came a shout from the other end of the counter. Mom retrieved the cup.

"Here you go, honey."

"Mommy, this is a Tall. I ordered a Grande."

"That's right you did," she said. "Tell the lady."

By now, I counted 15 people in line. Most were texting, I assumed, the same message: "Gonna B late."

'''Scuse me," Justin said to the barista, whom he could barely see. "I ordered Grande."

"Wouldn't you rather have a Slurpee, kid?" I said in my soft-but-apparently-not-soft-enough voice.

Mom glared at me. "He can get whatever he wants."

"I agree," I shot back. "We certainly wouldn't want your son to head off to day care without the precise amount of hazelnut in his system."

"You must not have children," she said, turning away.

Oh, but I do. And I've tried to raise them not to feel this entitled, especially at so young an age. A four-year-old demanding less ice will no doubt turn into an 11-year-old with all the restaurant manners of Gordon Ramsay on "Hell's Kitchen."

"Grande skinny Caramel Macchiato is up."

"Is that low foam?" Mom asked.

"Did you want low foam?" the barista inquired.

"I specifically said low foam."

"Hold on. We'll remake it."

By now the entire Starbucks assembly line had been disrupted. It was worse than when an airline passenger hauls his oversized luggage to the front of the plane while everybody else is trying to board. Two orders from Justin and his mom had become four.

"Can I just get a tall black coffee?" I asked.

"Is that it, sir?"

"Wait. I'll be more specific. A tall, black, easy-to-pour, easy-to-remember, minimal-effort-on-your-part, keep-the-line-moving coffee. No kids. Got that?"

Someone behind me applauded. I stepped ahead of mom and Justin and paid.

"Nice meeting you," I said. "Maybe I'll see you tomorrow since you'll probably still be here."

"Please leave," she said.

And I did. But not before hearing Justin make one more request.

"Mommy, can I get a strawberry blueberry yogurt parfait with extra strawberries? And can they put the granola on the side?"

"Tell the lady, honey."

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in Washington and in the media consider "must reading." Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.




Comment by clicking here.

Greg Schwem is a corporate stand-up comedian and author of "Text Me If You're Breathing: Observations, Frustrations and Life Lessons From a Low-Tech Dad".


Previously:



The clothes iron: Our tech-savvy world's most neglected device
Rules of the road from the DOD (Department of Dad)
Euphoria and depression in a single spam folder
Kids, never let skills and competence stand in your way
An 'F' is a very 'Nobel' grade
The TV remote is Harvard's answer to birth control

© 2013, Greg Schwem Distributed by Tribune Media Services, Inc.

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