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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review

Mom, Dad: Talk More and listen less

By John Rosemond


Family holding hands together from Bigstock



Return child-rearing to the people

JewishWorldReview.com | (MCT) American parents have been listening to professional psycho-babblers tell them how to raise children since the late 1960s. I was in graduate school at the time, and my professors thought the babblers were geniuses, sent by some New Age divinity to correct all the egregious wrongs parents had done to children since time immemorial. Children were about to enter a Golden Age in which their opinions would not only be listened to but also taken into consideration, and from an early age. And they would be allowed to express their feelings freely! And parents and teachers were going to tell them how wonderful they were and how everything they did was wonderful and so children would do more and more wonderful things and the Age of Aquarius would dawn and peace and love would fill the universe!

Problem is, it didn't turn out quite the way it was planned. Indeed, parents and teachers did all the "right" things. In fact, nearly everything they did was pretty much the opposite of the way previous generations of parents had done things. The result? Well, let's just say the Age of Aquarius has yet to dawn. Child mental health in America, across the demographic spectrum, has declined markedly in the last 50 or so years. Compared with a kid from my generation, today's child is five to 10 times more likely to become clinically depressed before his or her 16th birthday. And parenting, as it is now termed, has become the single most stressful thing a woman will do in her adult life. Mind you, her great-grandmother probably raised a lot more kids and experienced very little stress. She was, however, able to stress her kids rather effectively.

When are parents — mothers, especially — going to get it? When are they going to wake up to the fact that the babblers have done nothing — and yes, I mean nothing — but damage? In my estimation, the Age of Aquarius will begin when American parents shut the babblers down and return parenting — to borrow from the vernacular of the 1960s — back to the people!

Because today's parents have no experiential understanding of the way it was, I'll highlight a few of the more salient features of pre-1960s childhood. But before I do, I'll respond to those who claim that I "idealize" the 1950s. No, I do not. I simply maintain what is verifiable fact: American children were better off back then — as well off, in fact, as they'd ever been and certainly a whole lot happier than today's kids.

The biggest difference was that mom and dad paid more attention to and talked more to one another than they paid attention to and talked to their kids. In fact, kids back then didn't get a whole lot of attention from their parents. We were supposed to pay attention to them, not they to us. And so, by the time we went to school, we'd learned to give our undivided attention to adults, which is why we were taught successfully (our academic achievement was much higher than today's kids) in overcrowded classrooms.

By the time we were in our early elementary years, we were doing more for our moms, in the form of chores, than they were doing for us. Oh, and our moms weren't "involved" with us. Oh, happy day! They expected us to figure out our own entertainment, do our own homework, settle our own squabbles, lie in the beds we made, and stew in our own juices. Need I point out that today's mom is doing nearly all of that for her child, including the stewing?


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We were allowed to express our opinions, but they didn't count for much (and shouldn't have). And no, we were definitely not allowed to express our feelings freely. Have you ever met someone who expresses his or her feelings freely, without regard for the sensibilities of others? That defines an obnoxious, narcissistic, sociopathic boor.

Finally, I am a proud member of the last generation of American kids who weren't allowed to have high self-esteem. When a child back then had an outburst of high self-esteem, his parents told him he was acting too big for his britches, which is what high self-esteem is all about anyway — popping one's britches.

And yet, we were happier. We may have missed the Aquarian train, but I hear it ran off the tracks sometime around 1975 anyway.

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John Rosemond is a psychologist, family therapist and nationally known expert on parenting issues


Previously:


'Disciplinary math' adds up to parental success
Children need courage, not self-confidence
Respond like mates --- not like parents
Feelings need to be under intellectual control
Parents, stop destroying the American male
Don't confuse fulfilling a child's 'needs'with being an overprotective parent
Parents without borders
Today's parents frustrated with lack of instant gratification
Parenting resolution revolution
Ignore your kids
Success stories of parents setting boundaries
Parenting 101 in session (Conclusion)
Parenting 101 in session, Part I
'Gifted' children, who aren't
Get away from 'psychological thinking'
What do today's children seriously lack that children in the 1950s and before enjoyed in abundance?
'Fixing' Son's Shyness
Mothers who fall short --- by design
To tell a child 'You can be anything you want to be' is irresponsible
Family 'democracy' can turn to tyranny
'Because I said so' signals strong parental leadership
It's time for parents to get their heads out of the '60s





© 2013, The Charlotte Observer (Charlotte, N.C.). Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services.

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