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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review June 25, 2012 / 5 Tammuz, 5772

A young entrepreneur who knows squat

By Malcolm Fleschner




http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | We've finally reached the end of the school year, and you know what that means: A freshly minted crop of bright-eyed college graduates casting their hopeful gazes toward the future, mulling the endless possibilities before them, and leaving campus life behind forever as they take that big next step -- moving back in with their parents.

Because, sadly, no matter how bright-eyed the class of graduates, the job market for young people these days remains downright gloomy, causing recent alumni to scamper back home faster than Punxsutawney Phil after catching a glimpse of his shadow.

In fact, many recent college graduates who move back in with their parents are, according to one group of demographic researchers, "selfish and lazy slobs who leave dirty dishes and unwashed laundry all over the place, forcing their parents to do so much extra cleaning that they barely have time for their actual work as demographic researchers."

I was reminded of the perennial problem facing new graduates and parents when I read the story of Eric Simons, an enterprising 19-year-old who worked tirelessly out of AOL's Palo Alto offices last year, developing an educational software program. So what, right? Practically living at work while writing code is what programmers do when they're not tooling around town in $150,000 sports cars and partying with supermodels (note: most of my information about programmers comes from watching "The Social Network").

But Simons' story is unique in two important ways: first, he wasn't practically living at the AOL offices -- he was literally living there -- eating, sleeping, showering, texting, shower texting -- taking care of all of a 19-year-old's basic life necessities. And second, Eric was not even an AOL employee! He originally gained access to the building as part of a program the company runs to encourage budding entrepreneurs, but when the program ended and Simons found himself broke and with nowhere to go, he had the novel thought, "Hey, why go at all?"

Using his still-operational passkey to get into the building, Simons subsisted on a diet of ramen noodles, trail mix and cereal provided by AOL, showered in the on-site gym and slept on a variety of different sofas he discovered in lightly trafficked areas of the building. During the day Simons toiled away at developing a software application that helps teachers distribute lesson plans more effectively. Sadly, his experiment in corporate squatting came to an abrupt end after two months when a suspicious-minded AOL manager caught him one morning splayed out on a sofa, clearly having spent the whole night there ("The Spiderman pajamas gave him away," the manager explained).

Since the story of the so-called "AOL Squatter" broke last month, some have criticized Simons for taking improper advantage of AOL's generosity. But this country has a long and proud tradition of squatters taking up residence in living spaces to which they have, at best, dubious claim. In fact, that's pretty much the entire history of the United States in a nutshell. So clearly, if you're critical of Simons' squatting, you must hate America.

But most observers feel a grudging respect for Simons' ingenuity and moxie. Because let's face it, if you're looking to work in the tech industry and you don't want anyone to find you, what better place to hide than at AOL? Who even knew AOL still existed? And now, thanks to the publicity he's received, Eric has even drummed up interest from investors, including one venture capital firm that's already pumped $50,000 into his startup. An added bonus: hearing that a person can haul in 50 grand just for crashing on someone else's sofa will come as welcome news to the nation's legion of deadbeat brother-in-laws.

Which brings us to a solution to the problem I mentioned at the beginning of this column (so you don't have to look: it's recent college graduates moving back in with their parents). What with all the time kids spend on the Internet, watching television and movies, eating junk food and playing video games, corporations are probably even more responsible than actual parents for raising today's children. And as Mitt Romney has confirmed, corporations are people. So instead of moving back in with their parents, college grads with no place else to go should clearly follow Eric Simons' lead and move in with the "people" who really raised them: corporations.

If you think about it, it's the perfect solution. Kids and their (biological) parents don't have to live together again, risking reopening old wounds and causing irreparable family discord, while corporations get to fill all that unused office space since the last round of layoffs. Really, for the cost of a few cases of ramen noodles and a couple of extra sofas around the office, is that so much to ask of corporations? To help keep the American family together?

JWR contributor Malcolm Fleschner is a humor columnist for The DC Examiner. Let him know what you think by clicking here.


Previously:


11/30/11 Do You Believe In Magic?
10/20/11 The Internet: Doing The Heavy Uplifting
08/31/11: Unhealthy Behavior? I Won't Stand For It!
12/01/10: It's Getting Better All The Time
08/24/10: Turn Down The Stereo(types)
06/24/10: The No Roamin' Holiday
06/08/10: Parenting On A Cellular Level
05/27/10: Older? Yes. Wiser? Not Necessarily
04/19/10: The Bossman Cometh
03/25/10: The Rules of Interaction
01/09/10: A ride of passage
12/26/09: The Family Power Struggle Goes On…
10/26/09: Rapidly approaching fuddyduddy-hood
06/20/09: Waging a backyard turf war
02/20/09: The Sties Have It
04/30/09: Planning of the Apes
04/08/09: No more phoning it in
02/26/09: Tuning in to the English Channel
02/19/09: 25 AND COUNTING
02/13/09: A new life, dead ahead
01/29/09: NOW STARRING ... EVERYBODY!
01/15/09: You know the type
01/08/09: Just in time, here comes 2009
11/20/08: Hotels go for the green
11/06/08: Something does not compute
10/30/08: Early adopters tech their chances
10/21/08: Cyberspace invaders
10/21/08: Keeping up disappearances
09/17/08: Victims of math hysteria
08/07/08: My newfound sense of self (promotion)
06/24/08: Getting the brand back together
05/29/08: Phrased and confused
05/13/08: Take this job and love it
04/17/08: News you can (re)use
04/02/08: Commercial (over)load
02/20/08: An overdose of reality
02/14/08: A developing situation
01/30/08: I can tech it or leave it
01/02/08: Confessions of a coke addict
01/02/08: Our bills are due
12/13/07: Going (to lunch) once, going twice…
11/28/07: Out with the old
11/06/07: My latest pet project
11/06/07: Can't tune it out
10/23/07: Something special in the hair
09/12/07: Can I have your attention, please?
09/12/07: Houston, we have an image problem
08/21/07: In the heat of fashion
08/09/07: Let's get in the game
06/13/07: You gonna eat that?
05/08/07: That's disinter-tainment
05/02/07:You Are (not) Getting Sleepy...
04/18/07: No time like Father Time
03/15/07: Deface the Nation
03/08/07: More gifts? You shouldn't have
02/22/07: Relationships can be such a chore
12/05/06: Who's calling the shots?
11/09/06: I'm taking selling to a whole new level
10/27/06: Some skills are beyond repair
10/18/06: You can't tech it with you
10/04/06: Award to the wise
08/24/06: Phrased and Confused
08/09/06: We're Gonna Party Like it's $19.99
07/19/06: Just Singing in the Brain
05/24/06: Who says you can't go home again?
05/11/06: When nightly news stories go off script
04/26/06: Cents and sensibility: A thought for your pennies
03/16/06: The day the Muzak died
02/23/06: Checkbook diplomacy begins at home
02/15/06: Today's toys: Where learning means earning



© 2006, Malcolm Fleschner

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