Jewish World Review June 27, 2011 / 25 Sivan, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Boston mob boss Whitey Bulger was tracked down in Santa Monica by the FBI Wednesday after sixteen years on the run. Stocks fell on the news. When it was first reported the feds had just nailed Whitey, everyone assumed the Democrats had pushed through a tax hike on the rich.
The White House let out thirty million barrels of oil from the Strategic Petroleum Reserve Thursday to try to drive down gas prices before the election. President Obama is trying everything he can to boost his approval ratings. If this doesn't work, he is going get another dog and another child.
The Supreme Court ruled in favor of WalMart Monday in a class-action lawsuit by women employees against the giant retailer. The store couldn't have afforded the settlement. The economy is so rotten that last night the guy who owns WalMart was seen shopping at WalMart.
A Lufthansa airliner almost hit an Egypt Air plane during takeoff at JFK. An alert air traffic controller saw it coming and ordered both pilots to brake. Between the blood alcohol level of the pilots and the sleep apnea of the controllers even al-Qaeda thinks twice before boarding a plane.
The FDA stepped up pressure on tobacco makers Monday to warn smokers more graphically about the dangers of smoking. They ordered every pack of cigarettes to display gross and unwatchable pictures. They show Anthony Weiner smoking while he is exposing himself to you.
Venezuela's Hugo Chavez flew home from Cuba Thursday where he just underwent pelvic surgery. There's no killing him. In a recent poll of people hated most by Americans, Hugo Chavez finished fourth behind Kim Jong Il, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Moammar Khadaffi and dentists.
The New York State Assembly passed a bill allowing Nik Wallenda to walk on a tightrope for one mile above Niagara Falls all the way across. The lawmakers don't mind the danger involved. If the Democrats had their way, every yacht race would start a mile above Niagara Falls.
Al Gore charged Thursday that President Obama isn't doing enough to defend the climate crisis on the Planet Earth. For all his global warming efforts, Al's won an Oscar, a Grammy and a Nobel Peace Prize. He can pretty much win anything that doesn't have an Electoral College.
Keith Olbermann revealed Friday that Anthony Weiner may host a talk show on Al Gore's Current TV network. Al Gore lost the presidential election and started Current TV network, then Keith lost his show and joined the network, then Anthony Weiner lost his House seat, and may join the network. The network advertises itself as the inevitable home of the Chicago Cubs.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton