Jewish World Review June 7, 2011 / 5 Sivan, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Dr. Jack Kevorkian died Thursday after a career dedicated to assisted suicide. His own life was extended by real caregivers. Last year when Jack Kevorkian collapsed in his living room, paramedics saved his life by offering to buy his house for thirty percent more than he paid for it.
John Edwards was indicted by federal prosecutors Friday for using presidential campaign donations to hide his mistress and their love child. The story got huge play in the tabloid press. John Edwards always said we live in two Americas, and he keeps a family in each of them.
Michelle Obama's office announced Friday she will visit South Africa this week and bring along her mother as well as her two daughters. She can't wait to go. Last week she caught the president in bed with his golf clubs and she's decided to give them some quality time alone.
The N.Y. Supreme Court ruled to allow a Times Square street vendor to sell condoms with the president's image on the packet. Everyone's buying them. Half the country wants to be protected by President Obama while the other half wants to be protected from President Obama.
The White House reported worsening statistics on employment, manufacturing and home sales Friday. No one knows how much deeper the recession will get. The latest poll shows that most Americans would still vote to reelect President Obama, if only out of morbid curiosity.
Illinois former governor Rod Blagojevich testified Monday he almost named himself to fill Obama's Senate seat so he could find Osama bin Laden personally. Sounds true. He probably wanted to sell him the floor space next to Hitler's at Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum in Chicago.
The Labor Department announced Friday that only fifty-four thousand jobs were created in May. Half of those jobs were McDonald's jobs which resulted when the restaurant officials decided to add a graveyard shift nationwide. Americans aren't happy about having to work in the middle of the night in a paper hat, but they have to pay off their law school loans somehow.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton