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April 21, 2014

Andrew Silow-Carroll: Passoverkill? Suggestions to make next year's seders even more culturally sensitive

Sara Israelsen Hartley: Seeking the Divine: An ancient connection in a new context

Christine M. Flowers: Priest's execution in Syria should be call to action

Courtnie Erickson: How to help kids accept the poor decisions of others

Lizette Borreli: A Glass Of Milk A Day Keeps Knee Arthritis At Bay

Lizette Borreli: 5 Health Conditions Your Breath Knows Before You Do

The Kosher Gourmet by Betty Rosbottom Coconut Walnut Bars' golden brown morsels are a beautifully balanced delectable delight

April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review June 24, 2011 / 22 Sivan, 5771

Headfirst, face down, dive!

By Lori Borgman

Lori Borgman


http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | If someone has a guide to air mattress protocol, please send it to me.

I spent the past few nights sleeping on an air mattress in our daughter and son-in-law's New Jersey apartment. I had no problem sleeping on the air mattress; my problem was getting off the air mattress.

Your typical small air mattress that sits low to the floor is a wobbly animal. You put one foot down and the other foot pops up. It could well throw a hip out of joint.

Try moving around on the thing one knee at a time and your entire torso pitches forward.

I thought about getting off the air mattress by simply doing a log roll onto the floor, but if a 20-something passed by and saw a woman my age flat on the floor I could be taking a ride in an ambulance before I could explain myself.

Short of alternatives, I wiggled to the edge, raised myself to a sitting position and let the rolling wave of air inside the mattress pitch me headfirst onto the living room floor. At least it was carpeted.

The reason I was camping on the air mattress was that our daughter and son-in-law were relocating and I was with them to watch the twin grandbabies. My job was to keep them from chewing on cable outlets and climbing into empty cardboard boxes, even if it meant they entertained themselves licking the glass doors to the balcony.

One day when the kids went to run a few errands and left me with the babies, it was getting close to naptime. Mine, not the babies. The twins never want to nap. Only the people who take care of them want to nap. I thought I could wear them out playing on the air mattress.

I plopped their 15-pound bodies in the middle of the air mattress. They promptly demonstrated my problem in confronting the air mattress. I had been shy and retiring, letting the air mattress shove me around when I should have been shoving it around. The babies proved that the best way to get an upper hand was to get up on all four, then throw yourself, preferably face down, onto the air mattress. With arms and legs flailing, they would then quickly roll close to the edge, whereupon I would lunge to their quadrant of the air mattress, grab them by their legs and pull them back to center.

I worried this might frustrate the little varmints. For the next hour and a half they expressed their frustration by repeatedly getting on all four and throwing themselves headlong onto the air mattress, giggling, chortling and screaming.

The only thing more entertaining than trying to body slam the air out of the air mattress was playing "Get Grandma." This was a little game where the babies threw themselves on top of Grandma on top of the air mattress, which sent rolling waves through the air mattress, pitching everyone from side to side, all the while trying to pull out Grandma's eyeballs, dig their sharp nails into Grandma's face and pull Grandma's hair.

Nearly two hours of playtime on the air mattress served a useful purpose. It was absolutely and utterly exhausting.

I slept through the night. And in the morning I knew exactly how to get off the air mattress. I asked my daughter to get me off the contraption by yanking on both my legs.


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JWR contributor Lori Borgman is the author of , most recently, "Catching Christmas" (Click HERE to purchase. Sales help fund JWR.) and I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids To comment, please click here. To visit her website click here.

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