Jewish World Review June 15, 2010 / 3 Tamuz 5770
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Pete Rose said Tuesday he will auction off the baseball bat he used to collect his final hit. The bat could fetch millions. It could break the record set when Al the Bookie auctioned off the baseball bat he used to collect Pete Rose's final bet.
Psychology Today released a study Thursday saying kids raised by lesbians have higher self-esteem. The timing is suspicious. The magazine swears it was just a coincidence that the study was released during the women's softball finals in Oklahoma City.
Disney-owned ESPN closed its ESPN Zone restaurants Tuesday after the chain failed to lure Hooters customers with sports broadcasts. It's actually good economic news. It shows that Americans are still going out to restaurants, just not with their wives.
The Chicago Blackhawks defeated the Philadelphia Flyers to win Lord Stanley's Cup Wednesday. The city is throwing a huge parade to honor the hockey team. Dentists will have a float in the parade and they will be throwing business cards to the crowd.
Charlie Sheen rejected an assault plea deal in Aspen because it doesn't let him smoke in jail for thirty days. He's counting on the support of fellow smokers. He is under the mistaken belief that President Obama can pardon him for a state crime.
Democrat Jerry Brown got the nomination for California governor Tuesday. At one time he was the boy wonder of California politics. Today he's such a dinosaur that if Meg Whitman crushes him hard enough in November, it could cause the next oil spill.
President Obama used vulgar language on TV over the Gulf spill last week. He'd been goaded by Hollywood to get tough on BP. In two years he's gone from being the first African-American in the White House to the first president directed by Spike Lee.
Barack Obama threatened BP with criminal prosecution Tuesday, killing the stock price. Half of BP is owned by Americans. If Bush were president, Colin Powell would be showing the U.N. how Iran set fire to the Gulf rig with an unmarked Popsicle truck.
British Prime Minister David Cameron flew to Washington over the weekend where he urged President Obama to stop bashing British Petroleum. The president needs a reality check. Polls show that if Barack Obama forces Americans to choose between him and England he could reverse the American Revolution just in time for the Fourth of July.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton