Jewish World Review June 8, 2010 / 26 Sivan 5770
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Detroit Tigers pitcher Armando Galarraga beat the runner to first base to finish a perfect game last week but the ump blew it. Everyone was pulling for him. The White House offered the batter a federal job if he would drop out of the race to first base.
Detroit Tigers pitcher Armando Galarraga was robbed of a perfect game Wednesday by umpire Jim Joyce. The ump showed up the next day in tears. His guide dog took a big chunk out of his ankle when he got home the night before and it was killing him.
Bud Selig upheld an ump's missed call Friday which cost a Detroit Tigers rookie a perfect game. You cannot take the human element out of baseball or life. That's why all the latest deep sea oil rigs come off the assembly line equipped with chapels.
The White House ruled out use of a nuclear bomb to plug the Gulf of Mexico oil leak Thursday. They shouldn't be so quick to dismiss the idea. It's not enough to cook the shrimp in oil, you also have to microwave it and fly it out to the customers.
Al Gore left for California Friday after he separated from Tipper. No one with money should move here. The state is so desperate for revenue they send a car to pick you up at the airport and take you to the Franchise Tax Board for the free buffet.
Citibank in New York fired teller Debrahlee Lorenzana, saying she dressed too sexily in low-cut blouses and sweaters. She's was a victim of changing times. At the time Citibank hired her they were looking for boobs to buy mortgage-backed securities.
The White House announced Thursday that President Obama will travel to India for an official state visit in early November. It's a well thought out plan. He thinks if he's far enough away on election night no one will be able to pin it on him.
Arizona Governor Jan Brewer demanded Thursday that the U.S. build a wall on the Mexican border. We're a nation of immigrants where all is possible. If the West German immigrants built us a missile program, the East German immigrants can build us a wall.
Argentina coach Diego Maradona said he will run naked through Buenos Aires if they win the World Cup. That's scary. Just the report that coaches were going to start running naked in public after winning might have cost Mark Mangino his job at Kansas.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton