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February 10, 2012
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David G. Savage: Why activists may not be in a hurry to have High Court rule on alternative marriage
February 9, 2012
Laura McMullen: 10 Least Expensive Public Schools for Out-of-State Students
Kimberly Palmer: How to actually enjoy -- relaxing, financially -- your vacation
February 8, 2012
Warren Richey: Why momentous Prop. 8 ruling might not satisfy gay-rights groups
Menachem Wecker: Though Controversial, LL.M.'s Can Lead to Specialized Legal Jobs
The Kosher Gourmet byDana Velden: Going to the bother of making soup? You know it better be good. This CREAM OF TOMATO SOUP certainly is! And it's a cinch to make, too (Includes techinques and serving secrets)
February 7, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Caught off-guard? President's Super Bowl interview with Matt Lauer gives those who need a reason not to vote for him, a darn good one
Suzanne Bohan: Leaping lizards! Tiny reptiles advancing robot design
February 6, 2012
Jonathan Tobin: Iran Threatens Israel With Destruction, But the New York Times Doesn't Hear It
Jeffrey Fleishman: In newly democratic Egypt, tens of democracy activists jailed, to stand trial; their groups are 'threatening the stability of the homeland'
Julie Deardorff : Researchers say antioxidants may not be that effective and could do more harm than good
Mark Clayton: How did Anonymous hackers eavesdrop on FBI and Scotland Yard?
February 3, 2012
Edmund Sanders : Israeli official says Iran is creating missile that could reach East Coast of US
Victoria Kim: Immigrant-smuggling ring used black drivers to avoid racial profiling
February 2, 2012
Jim Carney: Wrong number call may have saved her life
Reza Kahlili : Ex-CIA spy in Iran's Revolutionary Guard: What Obama doesn't grasp about striking deals with Tehran
Tina Susman: For woodchuck rescuer, every day is Groundhog Day
February 1, 2012
Brian Bennett: US officials see increasing threat of domestic attack from Iran
Emily Brandon: How to Take Advantage of New 401(k) Fee Disclosures
January 31, 2012
January 30, 2012
Paul Richter and Ramin Mostaghim: Misreading Teheran's limits -- deadly and economically devastating as they may be -- is a risk administration, Europe seem willing to take
Suzanne Bohan: Warning: Nap-deprived tots missing more than sleep, study finds
Meg Handley: Banks Revamping Rewards Programs to Woo Customers
January 27, 2012
Caroline B. Glick: Obama: Of course I intend to prevent a nuclear holocaust . . . in a few months
Yochonon Donn: In liberal New York City, fervently-Orthodox Jews may soon be getting a district to call their own
Jeannine Stein: An inflated ego and thinking you're 'all that' doesn't just make others sick of you, it can make you ill
Katy Hopkins: New budget rules may affect how much money you get for college
January 26, 2012
Ed Koch: To the New York Times, calling for the murder of Jews by those capable of having their incitement taken seriously isn't news
Jeannine Stein: Mental illness struck one in five U.S. adults in 2010: Report
January 25, 2012
Richard Simon: House passes two bills endorsing the use of religious symbols at military memorials
Fred Weir: Putin: Multiethnic Russia cannot survive as a US-style 'melting pot'; must find its own way
Susan Johnston: 5 Sneaky Coupon Strategies Consumers Should Watch Out For
January 24, 2012
Carol Clark: The price of your soul: How your brain decides whether to 'sell out'
Caroline B. Glick: America lost most in 'Arab Spring'. Sadly, many voters still don't grasp the extent
Warren Richey: Drug criminal scores win in GPS ruling from conservative-leaning high court
Erika Bolstad: Black conservatives gather to talk about gaining strength
January 23, 2012
Melissa Dribben: Jewish voters to play a key role in Florida's Republican primary
Jordan Rau: In quest to grow, Catholic hospital system will announce this morning its break from church
Ali Safi: U.S. envoy gives Taliban terms for peace talks
January 19, 2012
January 18, 2012
January 17, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney Jr.: No-kidding red lines: U.S. response to an Iranian nuke may be bluster, but Israel's won't be
David G. Savage: They sued their principals after slandering them online --- now the cases are headed to the Supreme Court
David Francis: Where to Invest in 2012: With stocks expected to rebound, opportunity abounds for investors
January 13, 2012
Ben Lynfield: Israeli lawmakers move to annex Jewish Judea, one museum at a time
Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz: Thriving through touch: Gentle massage helps older people with low mobility improve in mind and body
January 12, 2012
Warren Richey: Landmark Supreme Court ruling a 'resounding win' for religious groups
Warren Richey: Supreme Court says no to new rule on eyewitness testimony
John Fauber : Statins found to raise diabetes risk in postmenopausal women
Katy Hopkins : Consider This Before You Pay for an Online Degree
The Kosher Gourmet by Joseph Erdos: This mushroom and barley soup has an intense -- almost nutty -- flavor that mixes robust with Middle East. It has creaminess without cream
January 11, 2012
Shari Roan: Millions of atrial fibrillation sufferers at risk for devastating, but preventable, stroke
Tom Hussain: Pakistan -- recipient of more than $21 billion in civilian and military aid -- speeds pursuit of Iranian pipeline, defying US
David G. Savage: High court signals it won't be loosening TV's 'indecency' rules
Stephen Ceasar: Oklahoma's Islamic law amendment can't go into effect, court rules
January 10, 2012
Reza Kahlili: From an ex-CIA spy: US must exploit new split in Iran's Revolutionary Guard
Karen Kaplan: Study: Nicotine replacement products ineffective when used in real-life situations
January 9, 2012
Michael Doyle: Put through legal hell over dream home, couple fought back hard --- all the way to Supreme Court
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Jewish World Review
Learn the secret to a healthy marriage from a scriptural villain
By
Rabbi Yoni Posnick
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
If the statistics are to be believed, more than half of all marriages these days will end in divorce. That this situation is tragic is indisputable. But can anything be done to reverse the trend?
The answer, fortunately, is a resounding "yes". There are experts. There are their books, their CDs, their videos. And then there is Korach, who led the infamous rebellion against Moses and attempted to divide and destroy his "family" of community while lusting for power.
Ancient Korach can help put an end to the destruction of contemporary homes and families? Indeed he can, if we fine-tune our reading of — and internalize the lessons transcribed in — this week's Torah portion.
The very first word of the narrative describing Korach's rebellion speaks of the antagonist "taking". It is left to the various commentaries — and there are many — to describe just what it was that Korach actually took. But the word choice was no accident. By mentioning Korach's "taking" so early on in the reading, the Torah was stressing that this trait was one of his defining characteristics; that knowing this is something needed to fully grasp the sorry episode.
In a penetrating essay in his "Strive for Truth", Rabbi Eliyahu Eliezer Dessler (1892- 1953) writes that society is, essentially, divided into two types of people. There are "givers" and there are "takers". While every person must give and take during his lifetime, as we all need things from others and we all wish to give to others, some people are inherently "givers." Even when they take, it is only in order to give. Most people, though, are inherently "takers." Even when they give, it is only in order to take.
Korach was the prototypical "taker." He had it all — indeed, there's actually an old Yiddish expression describing the very wealthy as "rich as Korach" — yet he was never satisfied. And Korach would do whatever was necessary to achieve his goals, be it wealth or power.
While it is true, as we mentioned, that at times circumstances force one to take from others, even then, doing so can be turned into an opportunity to give. How so?
What happens when one giver gives to another giver? Inevitably, the giver becomes a taker. Therefore, Rabbi Dessler adds a third category, the receiver.
The receiver receives from other givers what they wish to give and, in return, reasserts his role as a giver by saying "thank you". Expressing appreciation converts every act of receiving into an act of giving. By doing so, you have given a heartfelt expression of goodwill to the other. In this way, one can make his life into an emulation of the Divine Himself, the ultimate Giver, Who has no need for anyone or anything else, yet He created this world in order to be able to give. Everything that exists and happens in the world is a direct result of His giving.
So what does this have to do with failing marriages?
Rabbi Dessler explains further that, even in his time, people were increasingly becoming takers, not givers. It takes work to turn oneself and one's attitude into one of true giving. There are people who enter into marriage but are unfortunately unable to shake themselves free of the power of taking, and even their natural instincts cannot turn them into "givers." The creating of a lasting relationship between husband and wife will only arise when both practice an attitude of giving.
This is a point that cannot be overemphasized to singles (and even reminded to those who are married) in today's world, one of total "taking."
Marriage means giving.
In order for a marriage to succeed (and to last for the long term), it must be built on the premise that each person is in it to give to the other. Of course, one will receive as well, but it must be as a "receiver," not a "taker."
In fact, as has been noted many times, the root of the Hebrew word for "love", ahava, is
hav, or "give".
Many people have the attitude that marriage is essential because of the various personal benefits derived from it. Whether conscious of it or not, during the dating process such a person is constantly thinking to himself, "What can this person do for me?" A person with this attitude will not last long in marriage. When his/her partner does not seem to be "living up to expectations," the marriage will painfully dissolve.
It is our responsibility to train our children to be "givers." They should not be allowed to merely "take" — here is the car, here is the credit card, here is some money — with little or no appreciation or positive expression of gratitude in return. This fosters an attitude that life is about "taking," and it most certainly carries over into marriage.
Even as youngsters, our children, as somebody's future marriage partner, should be encouraged to become givers — to participate in acts of kindness, in helping others, in understanding that life is about emulating the Divine, Who created the world solely to give.
We must not be caught in the trap of Korach, one of endless and selfish taking, where one has everything he needs but still "needs" more. By fostering an attitude of giving amongst ourselves and our children, we not only emulate our Creator, but we give ourselves and our children the best tools for a successful and happy marriage.
Rabbi Yoni Posnick is a columnist for the Monsey, New York based weekly, Yated Ne'eman.
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