Jewish World Review June 19, 2009 / 27 Sivan 5769
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Mexico's navy found over a ton of cocaine inside twenty frozen shark carcasses in shipping containers Tuesday. Lesson learned. The next time the sharks come upon a school of record label executives, they'd be well advised to eat at a different beach.
Tiger Woods is favored to defend his U.S. Open title at Bethpage Golf Course this weekend. He walked through his final practice round Wednesday flanked by six New York state troopers. It's just amazing how many people mistake him for President Obama.
ABC will give President Obama an hour of free primetime Wednesday to promote his health care plan. The network refused to air commercials during the broadcast that express any opposing points of view on health care. It's only a matter of time before Barack Obama sheds the title of president to become the Kaiser Permanente.
President Obama killed a fly during a CNBC interview with John Harwood Tuesday. He killed it with his bare hand. He was careful not to use the sole of his shoe on the fly because that's considered the ultimate sign of disrespect in the insect world.
Voice of America began broadcasting news to Iran in Farsi delivered by Iranian-American news anchors Tuesday. There was controversy. Everything was going well until the news anchor told a joke about Alex Rodriguez marrying both of Sarah Palin's daughters.
Iran neared implosion Wednesday as government protesters challenged government backers on the streets of Tehran. The solution is simpler than it looks. Warring factions can coexist peacefully as long as they each have ther own cable news channel.
President Obama resisted the pressure to encourage the Iranian street protests for democracy in Tehran. He said he doesn't want to meddle in Iran's affairs. He doesn't see how it's going to help if he tells them what kind of car they should drive.
The White House proposed federal loan guarantees for American nuclear power plant construction Tuesday. This will never get through Congress. The Democrats don't like nuclear power and the Republicans don't like it used for peaceful purposes.
Chrysler re-opened seven auto plants following its purchase by Italian automaker Fiat. Everyone we ever defeated in a war is now beating us in the car business. Vietnam would be an economic powerhouse today if they'd had the sense to throw the game.
The New York Times said Wednesday an NSA analyst was investigated for reading Bill Clinton's e-mail. Instead of searching for Osama bin Laden, the spy was searching the e-mails for details about Bill Clinton's personal life. You don't need a spy agency to figure out why newspaper circulation crashed after Bill Clinton left office.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
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© 2009, Argus Hamilton