Jewish World Review June 10, 2009 / 18 Sivan 5769
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
President Obama called for a brand-new start between the United States and the Muslim world. They should be wary. If Barack Obama succeeds in turning GM into an electric car company it could do more damage to the Arab world than the Third Crusade.
Al-Qaeda was reported to be planning an attack on the U.S. by bringing dangerous biological agents into the country from Tijuana. College boys have done this for years. What Kaopectate didn't neutralize, penicillin cleared up within a week.
Bank of America said it may end its sponsorship of the U.S. Olympic team and the Games. What a waste of ad money. They spent twenty million dollars to sponsor the Olympics, and the only product that got any publicity was a marijuana bong.
The Globe tabloid reported that the mysterious death of Las Vegas comedian Danny Gans may have been due to years of secret steroid use. You can't blame a guy for trying. If steroids can turn fly balls into home runs, it's only logical they will turn chuckles into belly laughs.
President Obama flew into Paris. His Westin hotel is embroiled in a strike by janitors and maids. Hotel management personnel are cleaning the hotel rooms temporarily until President Obama flies in GM executives to take over for them.
President Obama flew his wife Michelle to Paris for a dinner date on his final night in France. It's a perk of public life. The president's date cost taxpayers one hundred thousand dollars, which Eliot Spitzer said is about right for four hours.
Judge Sonia Sotomayor fractured her ankle at the airport Monday but she went to the White House before getting it treated. It wasn't necessary. You don't need the president's okay for a doctor's appointment until the health care bill actually passes.
Scotland's Susan Boyle signed with Simon Cowell's record label Friday and with U-2's manager. Never get famous. A month ago she was a happy member of the church choir and today she kicks her cat whenever Alex Rodriguez doesn't call the next morning.
President Obama used a food taster in Paris on Saturday to avoid poisoning. He actually brought a food taster to Paris with him. He told the Chrysler bondholder he would take him to dinner, but he didn't tell him it would just be more of the same.
Fiat vowed not to walk away from the Chrysler takeover after the Supreme Court delayed it Monday. It doesn't feel right. It's one thing to apologize to the Muslim world, but to surrender to Italy this close to D-Day goes against the American grain.
The Supreme Court rejected a challenge to the Pentagon's Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy Monday, so gay GIs must remain closeted. Nothing changes. On Sunday thousands of U.S. servicemen had to TiVo the Tony Awards and pretend to care about the Laker game.
Hillary Clinton wrote North Korea Monday urging them to release the two female U.S. journalists just convicted of spying. They work for Current TV. The reporters were sentenced to hard labor, which in the TV industry is limited to looking for work.
Saudi King Abdullah urged President Obama to order Israel to withdraw from the West Bank. What an outrage. Last week the Saudi king draped a thick gold chain around Obama's neck and now he's threatening to sell him down river if he doesn't do as he's told.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2009, Argus Hamilton