Jewish World Review June 25, 2009 / 3 Tamuz 5769

Tweeting the American Revolution

By Lewis Grossberger

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Prevere: The British are coming! The British are coming! Will give details later. Got to go saddle up and distribute this tweet. When in the name of the Lord will they devise an instrument by which one may simultaneously hail the mass of the citizenry in real time?

Benfrank: Hey, gimme a break. I only just discovered electricity two weeks ago.

Lexfarmboy: The brits are the ones in red, right? Yeah, there they are. Hold on, I'm aiming. brb.

Henriettaluvsu: Lex, u r hot!!! Meet me in the hayloft after the battle.

Loyalistmanintown: Hernriettaluvsu, I hope they hangeth thee high, thou traitorouth harlot. Btw, which hayloft is that?

Lexfarmboy: Ow, my arm. %%@#. Medic!

SamAdams236: Listen, everyone, we need half a million demonstrators in the streets of downtown Manhattan in 10 minutes.

AlexHam: Uh, Sam, chill. NYC Population only 25,000.

SamAdams236. OK, never mind. My bad. Me or one of the other FFs will get back to you all later with a new plan.

BritSOB: Disperse, ye damned rebels! Else we shall shoot ye down like the scurvy dogs ye are!

EbenezertheGeezer: I'm reporting you to Twitter, BritSOB. That was a threat of violence, a TOS violation.

WudenTeeth: Right you are, Ebenezer. And what's with the "ye" sh-t? That be so 17th C.

ZestyTrish69: Yo, sons of liberty, looking for a good time? Headeth over to The Bull & Underage Cow. I'm upstairs in the back.

Johnnyonthespot: Brits marching from Lexington to Concord. Some nice spots for ambush still available if you hurry.

Crazyethan: Show support for independence! Paste Yankee Doodle bumper sticker on your cart, plow or mistress for 3 shillings. http//quikbuk.com

PhineasJ123: Cometh on, oppressed masses, revolt!

TomPaine: I've written this awesome pamphlet that brilliantly sums up the struggle and explains what's at stake. Come over to my place and pick up your copy. You're gonna love my use of sustained metaphor. (Publishers: 2d serial rights available.)

GeorgieWash: I have been invited to assume command of the Continental Army. Upon arising this morning, I performed my usual ablutions, inspected the barley crop in the north pasture and resolved that after breakfast, I would give the matter of command all due deliberation. But right now, I am whipping one of the Negroes for I found him shirking his duties.

MarthaW: Don't do it, Snuggles. I beseech thee. I get so lonely when you're away from the plantation. Lonely and frustrated, big guy, if you know what I mean.

BetsyR: I'm out of green and yellow cloth and can't find the glitter so I'm just going with the white, blue and red. I know it'll look a bit drab but it's a rush job. We can always change it later.

SamAdams236: Nothing like good massacre in Boston to get us some favorable ink in the London media. We need volunteers so let's go, colonists, give it up for liberty.

MarkydeLafayette: My ship just came in from France and my epaulets are a total disaster. Anyone know a good dry cleaner around here?

NatieHale: Bad news. The lobsterbacks have arrested me for spying. I just want to say I regret that I have but one life to…URK!

TommyJeff: Blast! My quill froze! And just when I was about to declare independence. Sorry, people, the revolution's down till tech support gets here.

ZestyTrish69: Your quill isn't working, TJ? Bet I can fix that for you, sweetie. Come up and see me soon.