Nov. 6, 2009 Rabbi Berel Wein: Choosing to hear JWisdom.com Zero to 1/60th: How to Empower An Hour with Gavriel Aryeh Sande (7 minutes) Caroline B. Glick The mullahs' big week Suzanne Fields A Fallen Wall for Fallen Man Nov. 5, 2009 The Kosher Gourmet: Three scrumptious -- but simple -- butternut squash dishes JWisdom.com Hidden Hints: Unlocking Faith & Prayer with Rabbi Jay Yaacov Schwartz (10 minutes) Nov. 4, 2009 Tom Hamburger and Kim Geiger: Should prayers be covered? JWisdom.com When God played peacemaker With Rabbi Sroy Levitansky (5 minutes) Nov. 3, 2009 Martin Peretz: Beware, Barack. Beware, Rahm. Beware, Axelrod JWisdom.com Are you are closet idolater? With Sara Yoheved Rigler (10 minutes) Nov. 2, 2009 Paul Greenberg: The Holocaust is now on Facebook JWisdom.com Abraham's Strange Change With Rabbi Yitzchok Fingerer (5 minutes) Oct. 30, 2009 Rabbi David Aaron: Secret to Immortality Caroline B. Glick Silencing dissent in America Oct. 29, 2009 Lini S. Kadaba: Do tactics avert flu or reduce humanity? JWisdom.com We Must Revamp our Religious Vocabulary With Gavriel Aryeh Sanders ( 10 minutes) Oct. 28, 2009 Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Atheists in Bubbleland JWisdom.com Why what we wear impacts who we are With Rabbis Mordechai Becher, Menachem Golberger and Aliza Bulow ( 10 minutes) Oct. 27, 2009 Paul Greenberg: The United Nations Is Outraged Again, Or: Department of Mideast Static JWisdom.com The Science of Love With Rabbi Jonathan Rietti ( 7 minutes) Oct. 26, 2009 The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Damaging disclosures with a twist JWisdom.com Wisdom and Wonks With Rabbi Eytan Feiner ( 7 minutes) Oct. 23, 2009 Rabbi David Aaron: Are you ready for the ultimate pleasure? JWisdom.com Watermark and oneness with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 4 minutes) Caroline B. Glick Stop using limited powers in a way that expands our enemies' advantages over us Oct. 22, 2009 Steven Emerson: Terror Cases Share Desire to Kill Americans JWisdom.com No More More Family Fights --- Really? By Sarah Chana Radcliffe ( 5 minutes) Oct. 21, 2009 Tonya Alanez: Holocaust denier sues survivor, calling Auschwitz memoir 'vicious lies' JWisdom.com Meditating Jewishly: A Panacea for Success by Sarah Yoheved Rigler ( 7 minutes) Oct. 20, 2009 Dennis Prager: Obama and Dalai Lama: Why Israel Worries about U.S. President JWisdom.com Abraham was not religious By Rabbi Yitzchok Fingerer ( 6 minutes) Oct. 19, 2009 The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Q. Is nepotism kosher? JWisdom.comWhy Good People Do Bad Things By Rabbi Eytan Feiner ( 7 minutes) Oct. 16, 2009 Rabbi Yonason Goldson: The Perfect Number JWisdom.com Hearing Voices By Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 5 minutes) Caroline B. Glick How Turkey was lost Oct. 15, 2009 Jeff Jacoby: Peace vs. the 'peace process' JWisdom.com: Former MTV producer and stand-up comedian Rabbi Lawrence Hajioff: Taming a Control Freak (A VERY fast 15 minutes) Oct. 29, 2003 Mortimer B. Zuckerman: Graffiti On History's Walls (MUST-READ!)

Jewish World Review June 4, 2009 / 12 Sivan 5769 Waging a backyard turf war By Malcolm Fleschner http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | At this time, with two wars raging in the Middle East, a crippling recession that shows no sign of abating and global warming threatening all life on the planet, it would seem insensitive and self-indulgent to dedicate this week's column to a subject as mundane as my backyard, but here goes anyway. You see, unlike the duration of the recession, which I can't pretend to have any influence over, the goings-on in my backyard I absolutely can delude myself into believing I control. That's because, as a modern day suburban American male, I look upon my yard as my exclusive domain, much in the same way feudal European lords viewed their fiefdoms, albeit with somewhat less concern about, say, marauding Visigoths. In fact, today's suburban homeowner is more likely to confront an even more imposing scourge than roving barbarians - a diabolical, insatiable and remorseless foe that can't be reasoned with as it seizes control of any patch of land it can get its dirty paws on. Of course I'm talking about squirrels. Mind you, I didn't always view squirrels as the enemy. Before becoming a homeowner I actually enjoyed watching the furry critters frolic in the trees. Sometimes I even joined them in that squirrel dance where you chase them around the tree while they try to stay on the opposite side of the trunk, until they eventually get irritated and climb up onto a branch to chitter little squirrel obscenities down at you. Frankly, I always thought squirrels got a bad rap from homeowners who, after blowing hundreds of dollars on elaborate squirrel-proof bird feeders, discover that "squirrel proof" actually means "proof that squirrels are smarter than the people who make these bird feeders." For some reason, we decided that only the stupider members of the animal kingdom deserve handouts, and if that meant squirrels got a raw deal, well, they should have hired a better publicist. My sympathies toward squirrels ended, however, when my wife and I moved into a house with fruit trees in the backyard. Here in California it's commonplace to have fruit trees, which not only spruce up the yard, but are also ideal for anyone who appreciates the ability, at any time of day, to walk out the door and, within just a few steps, enjoy the indescribable sensation of stepping on a rotten piece of fruit. Of course, readily available fresh fruit offers other benefits as well. My wife and I have agreed, for different but equally compelling reasons, to plant even more fruit trees in the yard - she out of concern about getting basic sustenance in case of a financial collapse or environmental catastrophe that brings the basic functions of society to a halt, and me because I'm too lazy to go to the store every time I want a slice of fresh lime for my margaritas. The main obstacle to our enjoyment of all this fresh fruit, however, is my old dance partner, the gray squirrel. Take, for example, our apricot tree. Last spring I watched closely as the little green fruits sprouted up all over the tree's branches, and eagerly awaited the day we would have hundreds of apricots to, um - wait, what do you do with apricots? Can them? But then, on the day my wife and I had agreed to do the picking, I grabbed a basket and went outside only to find that, in the span of 24 hours, the tree had been stripped bare of any fruit. "Give me back my apricots, you vermin!" I angrily shouted up into the trees, but the squirrels didn't respond, with the possible exception of the one who started urinating. Well, this year I've taken aggressive action. I painstakingly wrapped almost the entire tree with a protective nylon mesh netting. By doing so I have guaranteed that the squirrels will not eat most of the apricots, albeit only because in my bumbling, ham-fisted efforts to wrap the branches, I probably knocked more than half of the unripe apricots to the ground. What's really sad is that I'm not sure the netting will even work. Occasionally, in between cursing and attempting to extricate an arm or leg I'd somehow lashed to the tree, I'd see one of the squirrels watching me, perhaps wondering what led me to believe that thin nylon strands would pose any trouble to animals with teeth strong enough to pop open acorns. I could almost see them thinking, "He does know that netting is made by the same company that manufactures all those 'squirrel-proof' bird feeders, right?." Nevertheless, I remain optimistic that my labors will prove worthwhile when the 75 or so man-hours I've put into this project result in a harvest of about $4.50 worth of apricots. That ought to show those squirrels who's boss. JWR contributor Malcolm Fleschner is a humor columnist for The DC Examiner. Let him know what you think by clicking here. Previously: 02/20/09: The Sties Have It 04/30/09: Planning of the Apes 04/08/09: No more phoning it in 02/26/09: Tuning in to the English Channel 02/19/09: 25 AND COUNTING 02/13/09: A new life, dead ahead 01/29/09: NOW STARRING ... EVERYBODY! 01/15/09: You know the type 01/08/09: Just in time, here comes 2009 11/20/08: Hotels go for the green 11/06/08: Something does not compute 10/30/08: Early adopters tech their chances 10/21/08: Cyberspace invaders 10/21/08: Keeping up disappearances 09/17/08: Victims of math hysteria 08/07/08: My newfound sense of self (promotion) 06/24/08: Getting the brand back together 05/29/08: Phrased and confused 05/13/08: Take this job and love it 04/17/08: News you can (re)use 04/02/08: Commercial (over)load 02/20/08: An overdose of reality 02/14/08: A developing situation 01/30/08: I can tech it or leave it 01/02/08: Confessions of a coke addict 01/02/08: Our bills are due 12/13/07: Going (to lunch) once, going twice… 11/28/07: Out with the old 11/06/07: My latest pet project 11/06/07: Can't tune it out 10/23/07: Something special in the hair 09/12/07: Can I have your attention, please? 09/12/07: Houston, we have an image problem 08/21/07: In the heat of fashion 08/09/07: Let's get in the game 06/13/07: You gonna eat that? 05/08/07: That's disinter-tainment 05/02/07:You Are (not) Getting Sleepy... 04/18/07: No time like Father Time 03/15/07: Deface the Nation 03/08/07: More gifts? You shouldn't have 02/22/07: Relationships can be such a chore 12/05/06: Who's calling the shots? 11/09/06: I'm taking selling to a whole new level 10/27/06: Some skills are beyond repair 10/18/06: You can't tech it with you 10/04/06: Award to the wise 08/24/06: Phrased and Confused 08/09/06: We're Gonna Party Like it's $19.99 07/19/06: Just Singing in the Brain 05/24/06: Who says you can't go home again? 05/11/06: When nightly news stories go off script 04/26/06: Cents and sensibility: A thought for your pennies 03/16/06: The day the Muzak died 02/23/06: Checkbook diplomacy begins at home 02/15/06: Today's toys: Where learning means earning © 2006, Malcolm Fleschner

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