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Jewish World Review June 16, 2008 / 13 Sivan 5768 Father not seeing reality in mother's needs By Jan L. Warner & Jan Collins http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Q: Our parents are in their mid-80s and live across the country from my brother and me. Mom had a stroke last year and can't walk, but Dad won't hear of her going to a nursing home. He has tried to care for her but is wearing down fast. About six months ago, we hired a retired lady who was with them 10 hours per day, six days each week. She charged $9 per hour but refused to accept checks, meaning we had to arrange to pay her in cash or lose her. Even with this care, when I last visited two weeks ago, I saw a marked decline in Dad. He fell twice and sometimes seemed disoriented. To my dismay, I discovered a large pressure sore on Mom's bottom that I don't think Dad knows about. He still insists on her staying home and has agreed to 'round-the-clock sitters. We found three retired ladies willing to move in and share the hours. The total cost will be $8 per hour, or nearly $6,000 monthly, but none will accept checks. Dad will have to sell most of his small stock portfolio to pay for this, and my brother and I will help him, but I still don't think my mother will get good care from sitters even though their doctor says either they have sitters or she must go into a nursing home. How can we get Mom out of the house without burning our bridges with Dad? If we can't, will we able to deduct the cost of the sitters due to our parents' chronic illness and their doctor's insistence that they be with sitters or placed? A: First and foremost, it does not appear that your mother is getting appropriate care. The pressure sore needs treatment, and, without proper care, she may become dehydrated, have continuing urinary-tract infections, and possibly other infections that will require her hospitalization. The wound itself seems severe enough to require hospitalization. We suggest that you contact a geriatric-care manager to assess Mom's care in the home and let him or her tell Dad that if Mom is not cared for outside the home voluntarily, adult protective services could take custody of her and place her without much input from him. This may make him realize he has done all he can do. With regard to the caregiver expenses, if deemed necessary by a physician for chronically ill people, such expenses may be deductible as a medical expense if the expenditures exceed 7.5 percent of a taxpayer's adjusted gross income. Under the law as we understand it, if you and your sibling pay the bills, you and/or your sibling should be able to take the deduction if you meet the guidelines. However, everyone seems to be ignoring the much more important question: the responsibility to withhold Social Security and Medicare, and to report these wages to the IRS and state taxing authorities. Like your parents' helpers, many caregivers are either retired or receiving benefits and don't want their wages reported as taxable income, either because more of their Social Security will be taxed or they'll lose benefits. Like you, many Americans who pay caregivers for their parents don't pay attention to the withholding rules that, if ignored, can lead to paying taxes and interest — plus penalties. As we understand it, if you pay a person $1,600 or more during 2008, you are obligated as an "employer" to deduct Social Security and Medicare taxes (cumulatively called "FICA") and FUTA — the federal unemployment tax. Guidelines require that you include cash paid and also reimbursement for transportation, meals, etc. If funds are available to pay the caregivers, to keep them working, you could increase their wages enough to cover both the employer's and the employee's share of the withholding. If increased tax bills are the issue, you could even offer to increase their wages to cover all or part of the increase in taxes. But be careful, because assuming these obligations could be very expensive. You could contact an agency that supplies caregivers. Agencies assume the reporting and withholding responsibilities and, while you may pay more per hour, in the long run, it may be worth it to put this obligation on the shoulders of professionals even though your hourly rate will be more. Above all, be careful: If you unwittingly conspire to keep someone on benefits who shouldn't be there, you may be up to your neck in hot water. Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. JAN L. WARNER received his A.B. and J.D. degrees from the University of South Carolina and earned a Master of Legal Letters (L.L.M.) in Taxation from the Emory University School of Law in Atlanta, Georgia. He is a frequent lecturer at legal education and public information programs throughout the United States. His articles have been published in national and state legal publications. Jan Collins began co-authoring Flying SoloŽ in 1989. She has more than 27 years of experience as a journalist, writer, and editor. To comment or ask a question, please click here. Archives © 2008, Jan Warner

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