Jewish World Review June 30, 2008 / 27 Sivan 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
John Daly thrilled the Buick Open gallery Wednesday by hitting a monster drive off his pro-am partner Kid Rock's beer can. It's a lesson. Golf may suffer while Tiger Woods is recuperating, but the sport of drinking is bigger than any one athlete.
George Carlin died Sunday following a landmark stand-up comedy career spanning forty years. He often belittled religious belief and referred to G-d as a spooky and incompetent father figure. It's a good thing he knows how to deal with hecklers.
The Supreme Court ruled that Washington D.C. residents can have handguns at home. The reaction was mixed. If nothing else it will reduce Bill Clinton's temptation to remind Hillary every morning that he was twice elected president of the United States.
Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton flew together to New Hampshire on Friday. The plane had to fly through thunderstorms to get there. Bill Richardson was glued to the Weather Channel the whole time like a dog watching the back door of a butcher shop.
Hillary Clinton appeared with Barack Obama Friday in New Hampshire. She acted very supportive of him and her voters acted very supportive of him. Barack Obama suspected them of faking it but no man really wants to believe it could happen to him.
Michelle Obama told gay Democrats in New York on Thursday her husband will fight for gay equality because he believes it's a civil rights issue. We must all try our best. Someday Republicans will be able to talk golf with gay people and someday Democrats will be able to visualize straight white men without their Nazi uniforms on.
The Supreme Court cut Exxon Mobil's damages for the Exxon Valdez spill to five hundred million Monday. The court said the punitive damages can only be as great as the economic damages. So if you're paying seventy dollars to fill your tank, keep records.
Buns and Guns is a terrorist-themed restaurant that just opened in a Hezbollah-controlled area of Beirut, which lets diners relax to the sound of recorded gunfire. So far only three customers have died. It's just the wrong place to order corned beef.
Bill Gates retired from Microsoft Friday to spend his time in charity work. He is the third richest man in the world and he sees no need to work anymore. Someone needs to warn him that those who do not study Ed McMahon are doomed to repeat him.
The University of Texas at Brownsville is trying to stop the construction of a border fence with Mexico which will run through school grounds, because it would leave the school's golf course cut off inside Mexico. The fence is critically needed. The fifty thousand people per day asking if they can play through aren't all golfers.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton