Jewish World Review June 25, 2008 / 22 Sivan 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Kobe Bryant headlines the group of NBA stars named to the U.S. Olympic basketball team on Monday. The NBA players will begin training this week in Las Vegas. That's a great place to train if our goal is to take home the gold medal in stripper tipping.
U.S. Airways infuriated customers Monday whey they began charging for soft drinks in flight. The war on terror is over. Thanks to long lines, new baggage fees, body searches, no food and three-dollar Coca-Cola's, Americans now side with the hijackers.
Saudi Arabia hosted a summit Monday to find ways to reduce prices from the oil well to the pump. Gas station owners are looking for ways to make gasoline more affordable. Across the nation they're converting all their mini-marts into pawn shops.
Tom Brokaw offered to host Meet the Press a week after Tim Russert's death. He announced Russert's death, he hosted Russert's funeral and now he has Russert's job. Now Tom Brokaw's only problem is that he's got Peter Falk following him everywhere.
The Houston Chronicle said Friday the Texas polygamy sect will be investigated by a West Texas grand jury this week. It's not easy being the husband at a polygamist ranch. You leave the toilet seat up just once and suddenly you're facing an angry mob.
The Supreme Court ruled Monday to permit the construction of hundreds of miles of border wall with Mexico. It's vitally necessary. The whole idea of the wall is to keep out terrorists who are trying to get into the United States for a fair trial.
Barack Obama's campaign decided to get rid of that fake presidential seal with a rising sun on it designed for the candidate's podium. He was campaigning in New Mexico. You don't want to go waving a rising sun in the birthplace of the atomic bomb.
Hillary Clinton will campaign with Barack Obama in New Hampshire Friday. They split the town's vote fifty-fifty in the primary. London oddsmakers posted ten-to-one odds she will use the occasion to name Obama to be her vice presidential running mate.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton