Jewish World Review June 5, 2008 / 2 Sivan 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Boston Celtics host the Los Angeles Lakers tonight in Game One of the NBA Finals. Fans can't wait. This match-up is one of the great sports rivalries, like the Yankees vs. the Red Sox, the Cowboys vs. the Redskins and Charles Barkley vs. House Odds.
Universal Studios in Hollywood had a spectacular fire Sunday. The response was admittedly slow. The firetruck ran out of gas on the way to the studio and they had to put a measure on the November ballot to raise enough money to fill it up again.
Hillary Clinton claimed the popular vote victory in the Democratic presidential primaries in her election-night speech Tuesday. It's so sad. She wound up with more votes than Barack Obama, and so under U.S. Supreme Court precedent the winner is Barack Obama.
Barack Obama gave a stem-winding speech to thousands in Minneapolis Tuesday. He really is the candidate of change. In the last month alone the Ku Klux Klan has changed their policy and now welcomes black preachers and Catholic priests as members.
Barack Obama underwent a purification ceremony with the Crow Indians in Montana ahead of Tuesday's primary. His adopted Crow father Hartford Black Eagle prayed over him. Barack Obama only prays with religious leaders who have a grudge against white people.
Barack Obama announced on the campaign trail Saturday that he's resigning from his church. The very next day Hillary Clinton trounced Obama in the Puerto Rico primary by a two-to-one margin. It was God's way of saying that two can play this game.
Hillary Clinton won the Puerto Rico primary Sunday by a huge margin. She vowed to the crowd in her victory speech that she's going to fight on and on. And that's just with Bill Clinton about all the women who were named in the Vanity Fair article.
Vanity Fair reported Bill Clinton was confronted by aides for carrying on with women. Who cares anymore? He's at the point where we all know it's a disease, and as long as he's kept away from sugar or caffeine his handlers can control him with sticks.
The Supreme Court ruled that Major League Baseball has no right to control the billion and a half dollar fantasy leagues business Monday. You can't make it up. Baseball is so boring without steroids that leagues are popping up with Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens on their rosters and they are making more money than the real teams.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton