Jewish World Review June 20, 2007 / 4 Tamuz, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Anchor Woman is a new reality show which will chronicle the progress of bikini model Lauren Jones as she anchors the news for a month on a CBS station in Texas. Katie Couric threw up when she heard about it. Everybody says that's the fastest diet.
Paris Hilton was reported Monday to be reading self-help books and fan mail to pass the time during her incarceration in Los Angeles county jail. She insists she is not dumb. Nobody doubts her when she says that she once attended William and Harry.
The Queen Elizabeth II was sold to Arab investors in Dubai, who plan to turn it into a hotel on the Persian Gulf. The ship has taken twenty-five world cruises and crossed the Atlantic eight hundred times safely. They don't even serve iceberg lettuce.
Fred Thompson flew to Great Britain Tuesday to have his picture taken with Lady Margaret Thatcher. Everyone can see what he's doing. The next day he flew to Los Angeles, where he walked into a talk radio station and formally adopted Michael Reagan.
Barack Obama apologized Monday for his staff calling Hillary the Democrat from Punjab because of all the favors she does for India and all the favors India does for her. She is not the voice of India. If Americans heard Hillary's voice after waiting on hold for forty minutes for customer service, they would back Pakistan in the next war.
Bill Clinton agreed Monday to help Hillary campaign in Iowa. He's had a lot of success there before. This time his task is to warn Iowans about the dangers of the John Edwards health care plan and not about the presence of a pool table in their community.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton