Jewish World Review June 19, 2007 / 3 Tamuz, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Donald Trump agreed Friday to executive produce a new show for Fox called Lady or a Tramp, in which wild party girls compete to become refined society ladies. He said he may or may not host it. They're waiting to see if Bill Clinton's available.
Applebee's in California served a two-year-old boy a margarita instead of apple juice by accident last week. The toddler drank the margarita, made funny faces, and threw up. He's the youngest kid ever to pass the University of Oklahoma entrance exam.
The San Antonio Spurs drew low ratings while winning the NBA title last week because people think they're boring. They don't go to clubs, drive drunk, or get arrested. If they want better TV ratings, they will have to teach Paris Hilton to shoot jumpers.
Warren Beatty was reported to be shopping a script in Hollywood starring himself as Howard Hughes in his later years. The two men will always be linked. Howard Hughes slept with every woman in Hollywood until Warren Beatty bought the business from him.
Durham prosecutor Mike Nifong was disbarred Saturday over his misconduct in the Duke rape case. What a mess. He was found guilty of dishonesty, misrepresentation, fraud and deceit, or as it's known in the legal community, the four basic food groups.
New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg spoke to New Hampshire businessmen Saturday in a sign he plans an independent presidential bid. The Giuliani campaign is ecstatic. A Jewish New York mayor makes a Catholic New York mayor look a lot more electable.
Rudy Giuliani outlined his Twelve Commitments Thursday to try to halt his bleeding in the polls. His campaign is on the ropes. Americans are so furious over the way The Sopranos ended they are wary of investing another eight years watching an Italian.
Barack Obama's campaign angered Indo-Americans Friday by referring to Hillary Clinton in an opposition researcher's memo as the Democrat from Punjab. It makes no sense. Why would any campaign pay for opposition research on Hillary Clinton when they can go into any bookstore and get two thousand pages for less than fifty dollars?
Arnold Schwarzenegger told Hispanic journalists Thursday that Hispanics should stop watching Spanish-language television and watch English stations. He's trying to help them. We're not going to know who to deport if they all sound like Simon Cowell.
Austria's one-time President Kurt Waldheim died in Vienna Thursday. He resigned from office twenty years ago when his Nazi past surfaced. He died of Waldheimer's Disease, which causes people to forget everything that happened between 1939 and 1945.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton