Jewish World Review June 1, 2007 / 15 Sivan, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The National Spelling Bee began in Washington D.C. Wednesday featuring two hundred and eighty-six contestants. They are young, they are smart and they are adorable on camera. Just to be on the safe side, Katie Couric is going to have them all killed.
L.A. Lakers owner Jerry Buss was stopped for drunk driving after the bars closed Tuesday. What's happened to this town? In the Seventies, the Los Angeles police gave everybody a thirty-minute grace period to drive from the bar to Richard Pryor's house.
The Lundberg Survey forecast Tuesday that gasoline prices in America will stay high all summer. Even the rich and famous are having to adjust. Gas is so expensive in Beverly Hills that Lindsay Lohan has begun remaining at the scene of the accident.
Miss USA Rachel Smith was booed by the Mexico City audience Monday at the Miss Universe Pageant. It got very tense on the runway. Next time maybe she'll have the sense to point at a few of the audience members and hire them for an afternoon's work.
Air France flew a passenger with tuberculosis from Atlanta to Paris Friday after he eluded detection. It caused a near panic. As a result, Homeland Security will no longer allow you to board a plane with more than three ounces of liquid in your lungs.
Arkansas's former governor and GOP presidential candidate Mike Huckabee proposed getting rid of the U.S. income tax on Tuesday. The effect was electrifying. The next day Kobe Bryant went on the radio and demanded to be traded from the Democratic Party.
Fidel Castro wrote a newspaper article Wednesday claiming President Bush tried to kill him. That's very unlikely. Since Castro's intestinal problems obviously resulted from something he ate, shouldn't he be pointing the finger at the Russians?
Barack Obama revealed his health care reform proposal Tuesday. He wants to pay for national health insurance by taxing the wealthy. It's believed to be the most farsighted and comprehensive health care plan ever proposed by a guy who still smokes.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton