Jewish World Review June 22, 2007 / 6 Tamuz, 5767
Youth will be served? Don't give me that trash!
By Barry Koltnow
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | I am in the middle of Walter Isaacson's new Albert Einstein biography, and I believe that reading the book is starting to have an effect on me.
I am feeling especially smart this morning.
One might assume that I should feel especially dumb this morning when comparing my own cerebral shortcomings with such a genius. But I am not smart enough to feel dumb.
However, I am smart enough to figure out what's wrong with Hollywood.
I'm not talking about the Hollywood that makes movies. Those are responsible people, for the most part, who work hard for their money. No, I am referring to the Hollywood that is all about celebrity.
In the wake of everything that has happened recently with Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Richie, is there anyone left on the planet who doesn't think that something is terribly wrong with this Hollywood?
A dangerous cult of celebrity has been created in our society, and it must be destroyed before someone important gets hurt.
OK, that may sound a little dramatic, but I told you that I'm not very smart normally. I'm just having a smart day.
In this state of heightened awareness, I can see clearly that the youth-oriented culture that engulfs us has gone amok. Something must be done immediately, and I know just who must do it.
Baby boomers need to seize control of the culture
I'm not even sure why we gave it up in the first place. Don't we outnumber these slackers?
What happened is that we voluntarily ceded control because we bought into the hype that we invented. We were so busy trying to get rich off this younger generation that we started to believe our own slogans. Youth need not be served.
The truth is that the younger generation desperately needs our leadership and guidance.
Without our help, they will continue to worship people like Paris Hilton. They will continue to wear baseball caps crooked. They will continue to turn up their sound systems at red lights to a decibel level that would embarrass Blue Cheer.
It's like Einstein is in the room, isn't it?
The first thing boomers need to do is wrest control of the celebrity-based media from the slackers we put in charge. We own these newspapers and magazines. We own the companies that fill nightly television with entertainment news programs that feed the celebrity machine.
Since we already own these companies, we need to issue an order to stop firing boomers and start sending slackers packing. OK, I know the bottom-line accountants are going to weigh in on this one. They're going to explain that boomers are too costly in salaries and benefits.
Did you think that a person channeling Albert Einstein didn't think of that?
For every boomer you were going to fire, get rid of two slackers. That should take care of the budget, and fewer families will be devastated. The slackers will be fine. They're young and healthy, and a new McDonald's opens every day.
Once we have filled all the important editor slots with boomers, a new emphasis can be placed on significant people. A person will not be considered a celebrity until he or she actually accomplishes something.
No longer will the size of your trust fund qualify you for automatic membership in the exclusive celebrity club. To whom you are romantically linked will not mean anything, unless you and your significant other are both successful in your respective fields. And scrapes with the law will not guarantee you anything. The crime has to fit the celebrity status.
We will create a new standard of beauty, and age will not be a factor.
The media is very important in any society because communication is very important in any society. But the media can't do this alone.
You baby boomers must take action, and it will take a herculean effort. But there are enough of you to get the job done.
What can you do? It's all about purchasing power.
You need to go the movie theaters more often. Until adult-oriented movies with plots start making $200 million on a regular basis, boomers will have no power at the box office.
You need to buy more DVDs, CDs, clothes, cell phones and iPods. The companies that make these products are going to favor the consumers who are making most of the purchases.
I know this all sounds a little intimidating. You're probably thinking that you don't have the kind of disposable income to make all these purchases. Well, think again. It's your money your kids are spending. Don't give them any. Spend it on yourself. And the older ones who have their own money won't be much of a threat after you've fired them.
This is a clear call to arms: "Crush the youth culture and save the world."
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© 2007, The Orange County Register; Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services.