Jewish World Review June 30, 2006 / 4 Tamuz, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The National Football League held its annual four-day rookie
symposium this week. It's saved a lot of careers. The rookies get
lectures on how to stay out of trouble, how to avoid drugs, and
how to tell which girls have parents with lawyers.
Superman Returns opened Thursday to huge crowds and rave
reviews. His powers are truly amazing in the movie. The Man of
Steel saves the world from total destruction without donating one
thin dime to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation.
Pittsburgh's Episcopal bishop asked London Tuesday for a
U.S. presiding bishop opposed to gay marriage. He wants a ruling
on the sanctity of marriage. The church was founded by a king who
executed three of his six wives, so this ought to be good.
Rolling Stone quoted Al Gore's friends saying he would love
to be president but he doesn't want to spend two years in Iowa.
However, Al insists he loves Iowa. Whenever the children are out
of town, Tipper comes to bed dressed as a corn subsidy.
Texas officials admit it took two hours to execute a
condemned man by lethal injection Tuesday. They almost gave up.
Baby Boomers have built up such a resistance to hard drugs that to kill us
you have to inform us we are starting to show our age.
Israeli fighter jets buzzed low over the country house of Syria's President Bashar al-Assad Wednesday to warn him to stop giving aid and comfort to Palestinian terrorists. These messages aren't always understood. The New York Times editors thought the fighter jets outside their windows were there for their protection.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton