Jewish World Review June 26, 2006 / 30 Sivan, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Carolina Hurricanes won the Stanley Cup Monday by
upsetting the Edmonton Oilers in game seven of the finals at home
in Raleigh. It's the first time the Hurricanes won the annual
championship on ice. Al Gore blamed it on global warming.
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were given a banquet by the
African nation of Namibia for having their baby there. What a
feast. Their hosts served up forty pounds of prime rib, homemade
bread, a bushel of sweet potatoes, and the publicist is missing.
Arizona and Southern California were ravaged by rapidly
spreading brushfires along remote ridgelines Tuesday. It was a bad
sign. The reluctance to put them out was perceived by Hispanic
immigration activists as an escalation of the rhetoric.
The White House offered North Korea food aid Monday if
they'll halt all long-range missile testing. The food situation in
that country is simply wretched. The restaurants in North Korea
have signs on the front door that read Sorry, We're Open.
Washington D.C. buzzed with rumors Tuesday that Scooter
Libby will be pardoned by President Bush before he goes on trial
for lying in the CIA leak case. It wouldn't be unprecedented.
President Ford pardoned Richard Nixon, President Bush's father
pardoned all of the Iran-Contra conspirators, and President
Clinton forgave himself.
Dan Rather was let go by CBS' 60 Minutes Monday, a year
after he was sacked as nightly news anchor. Everyone's going to
miss him. For forty-two years Americans have tuned in to CBS to
observe Dan Rather, wondering if this is the night he snaps.
Senator Dick Durbin stood on the Senate floor Tuesday and
begged Republicans to support a raise in the minimum wage. It's
the decent thing to do. Democrats want to raise the minimum wage
for every American job by two hundred rupees an hour.
Democratic Senators Evan Bayh and Barack Obama proposed the
Responsible Fatherhood and Healthy Families Act last Sunday. It
gives job training and tax breaks to dads who pay their back child
support. The original title was the NBA Rehabilitation Act.
Saddam Hussein's prosecutor asked for the death penalty
Monday in Baghdad. He could be hanged. Saddam Hussein may learn
that keeping a lid on a multi-ethnic society in the heart of the
Middle East not only broadens you, it also lengthens you.
CBS News said Tuesday Tennessee moonshiners are selling steel drum stills to customers nationwide who want to make their own ethanol. That's how expensive gasoline is. Either way Jed Clampett was going to wind up with forty million dollars.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton