Jewish World Review June 23, 2006 / 27 Sivan, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Canadian officials found the first migratory goose in the Western Hemisphere with bird flu Friday. You can't get it from eating a chicken, only from kissing a chicken. Jerry Springer had better tape ahead if he doesn't want to run out of guests.
Phil Mickelson admitted he was an idiot Monday for losing the U.S. Open on the last hole looking so hapless. His aim was off. Phil Mickelson doesn't drink so he couldn't use John Daly's tip to always aim for the middle of the three greens.
The Da Vinci Code soared past six-hundred-fifty million dollars at the worldwide box office last weekend, setting a new record. It could have been more. The movie was banned in China by communist government officials there, citing poor word of mouth.
Swiss chocolate company Nestle made news Monday when the company announced it's buying the Jenny Craig diet company. Kirstie Alley heard the news with great relief. Whether she gains weight or loses weight she still has her endorsement deal.
Saddam Hussein's prosecutor began final arguments in the dictator's trial on Monday. Nothing has gone as planned. Before the war Saddam Hussein was accused of torturing prisoners in Iraq and today he makes extra money as a torture consultant.
The U.S. Capitol Police union complained Monday when U.S. Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney wasn't indicted for slugging a cop. A lot of people were disappointed that she avoided a trial. Harry Belafonte was hoping the airtime would revive his career.
Congress voted themselves a three thousand dollar pay raise Friday. They get an automatic cost of living increase. No wonder they fire their pistols into the committee room ceiling whenever the Fed Chairman testifies inflation is approaching.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton