Jewish World Review June 9, 2006 / 13 Sivan, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The World Cup will begin at Olympic Stadium in Berlin today. It's no secret why soccer is the national sport in Mexico and Central America. The sport gives you the quickness and agility to elude any U.S. border patrol agent trying to grab you.
Arizona Diamondbacks pitcher Jason Grimsley told the feds Monday he owns an Internet pharmaceutical drug distributorship. He's pitched for four pennant winners. Every place he made the coffee they wound up having to clean the champagne off the ceiling.
The Discovery Channel revealed Tuesday that the North Pole is migrating from Alaska into Siberia. It's already causing havoc with electronics. Last night Al Gore's fan belt broke in mid-sentence and he had to be towed to his next appearance.
Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke triggered a stock market slide Monday with a gratuitous inflation warning. He's never upbeat. His last speech was so depressing that investors are starting to think Paxil is paying him by the word.
The National Archives said the CIA knew where escaped Nazi Adolf Eichmann was hiding in Argentina. The agency's conscience is clean. They had a secret Cold War plan that if all else failed, they were going to tell him Stalin was Jewish.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton