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February 10, 2012
Lisa M. Krieger: Man with defibrillator demands access to his own heart's information
David G. Savage: Why activists may not be in a hurry to have High Court rule on alternative marriage
February 9, 2012
Laura McMullen: 10 Least Expensive Public Schools for Out-of-State Students
Kimberly Palmer: How to actually enjoy -- relaxing, financially -- your vacation
February 8, 2012
Warren Richey: Why momentous Prop. 8 ruling might not satisfy gay-rights groups
Menachem Wecker: Though Controversial, LL.M.'s Can Lead to Specialized Legal Jobs
The Kosher Gourmet byDana Velden: Going to the bother of making soup? You know it better be good. This CREAM OF TOMATO SOUP certainly is! And it's a cinch to make, too (Includes techinques and serving secrets)
February 7, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Caught off-guard? President's Super Bowl interview with Matt Lauer gives those who need a reason not to vote for him, a darn good one
Suzanne Bohan: Leaping lizards! Tiny reptiles advancing robot design
February 6, 2012
Jonathan Tobin: Iran Threatens Israel With Destruction, But the New York Times Doesn't Hear It
Jeffrey Fleishman: In newly democratic Egypt, tens of democracy activists jailed, to stand trial; their groups are 'threatening the stability of the homeland'
Julie Deardorff : Researchers say antioxidants may not be that effective and could do more harm than good
Mark Clayton: How did Anonymous hackers eavesdrop on FBI and Scotland Yard?
February 3, 2012
Edmund Sanders : Israeli official says Iran is creating missile that could reach East Coast of US
Victoria Kim: Immigrant-smuggling ring used black drivers to avoid racial profiling
February 2, 2012
Jim Carney: Wrong number call may have saved her life
Reza Kahlili : Ex-CIA spy in Iran's Revolutionary Guard: What Obama doesn't grasp about striking deals with Tehran
Tina Susman: For woodchuck rescuer, every day is Groundhog Day
February 1, 2012
Brian Bennett: US officials see increasing threat of domestic attack from Iran
Emily Brandon: How to Take Advantage of New 401(k) Fee Disclosures
January 31, 2012
January 30, 2012
Paul Richter and Ramin Mostaghim: Misreading Teheran's limits -- deadly and economically devastating as they may be -- is a risk administration, Europe seem willing to take
Suzanne Bohan: Warning: Nap-deprived tots missing more than sleep, study finds
Meg Handley: Banks Revamping Rewards Programs to Woo Customers
January 27, 2012
Caroline B. Glick: Obama: Of course I intend to prevent a nuclear holocaust . . . in a few months
Yochonon Donn: In liberal New York City, fervently-Orthodox Jews may soon be getting a district to call their own
Jeannine Stein: An inflated ego and thinking you're 'all that' doesn't just make others sick of you, it can make you ill
Katy Hopkins: New budget rules may affect how much money you get for college
January 26, 2012
Ed Koch: To the New York Times, calling for the murder of Jews by those capable of having their incitement taken seriously isn't news
Jeannine Stein: Mental illness struck one in five U.S. adults in 2010: Report
January 25, 2012
Richard Simon: House passes two bills endorsing the use of religious symbols at military memorials
Fred Weir: Putin: Multiethnic Russia cannot survive as a US-style 'melting pot'; must find its own way
Susan Johnston: 5 Sneaky Coupon Strategies Consumers Should Watch Out For
January 24, 2012
Carol Clark: The price of your soul: How your brain decides whether to 'sell out'
Caroline B. Glick: America lost most in 'Arab Spring'. Sadly, many voters still don't grasp the extent
Warren Richey: Drug criminal scores win in GPS ruling from conservative-leaning high court
Erika Bolstad: Black conservatives gather to talk about gaining strength
January 23, 2012
Melissa Dribben: Jewish voters to play a key role in Florida's Republican primary
Jordan Rau: In quest to grow, Catholic hospital system will announce this morning its break from church
Ali Safi: U.S. envoy gives Taliban terms for peace talks
January 19, 2012
January 18, 2012
January 17, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney Jr.: No-kidding red lines: U.S. response to an Iranian nuke may be bluster, but Israel's won't be
David G. Savage: They sued their principals after slandering them online --- now the cases are headed to the Supreme Court
David Francis: Where to Invest in 2012: With stocks expected to rebound, opportunity abounds for investors
January 13, 2012
Ben Lynfield: Israeli lawmakers move to annex Jewish Judea, one museum at a time
Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz: Thriving through touch: Gentle massage helps older people with low mobility improve in mind and body
January 12, 2012
Warren Richey: Landmark Supreme Court ruling a 'resounding win' for religious groups
Warren Richey: Supreme Court says no to new rule on eyewitness testimony
John Fauber : Statins found to raise diabetes risk in postmenopausal women
Katy Hopkins : Consider This Before You Pay for an Online Degree
The Kosher Gourmet by Joseph Erdos: This mushroom and barley soup has an intense -- almost nutty -- flavor that mixes robust with Middle East. It has creaminess without cream
January 11, 2012
Shari Roan: Millions of atrial fibrillation sufferers at risk for devastating, but preventable, stroke
Tom Hussain: Pakistan -- recipient of more than $21 billion in civilian and military aid -- speeds pursuit of Iranian pipeline, defying US
David G. Savage: High court signals it won't be loosening TV's 'indecency' rules
Stephen Ceasar: Oklahoma's Islamic law amendment can't go into effect, court rules
January 10, 2012
Reza Kahlili: From an ex-CIA spy: US must exploit new split in Iran's Revolutionary Guard
Karen Kaplan: Study: Nicotine replacement products ineffective when used in real-life situations
January 9, 2012
Michael Doyle: Put through legal hell over dream home, couple fought back hard --- all the way to Supreme Court
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Jewish World Review
June 17, 2006
/ 18 Sivan, 5766
We need a peppy Fed Chief
By
Brad Dickson
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
The stock market has taken a wild ride lately, and matters haven't been helped by new Federal Reserve Chairman Ben
Bernanke, who appears to have the communication skills of an autistic grasshopper.
Whenever Bernanke speaks investors almost always interpret his thoughts negatively. For example, Bernanke could say
something like, "We will analyze interest rates continually in the coming months" which investors interpret as, "We're
approaching the financial apocalypse, you'd best sell all your investments, head for the hills, and stock up on canned food and
ammunition."
The market has been in a withering tailspin, and I don't trust this guy Bernanke. Frankly, I'd feel more comfortable
handing over my life savings to Charles Barkley standing at a craps table.
The good thing about the stock market slide is that I am well diversified. Which means I have investments that went down 9%
in the past two weeks, others that went down 5%, and others that only went down 3%.
And those are the domestic stocks. The international stocks have been collapsing like a house of cards. The French market
has been retreating faster than the French military.
And it seems as if the market is just waiting for a tiny bit of bad news to send it into the next tailspin. That bad news can
occur anywhere in the world. One day the U.S. markets may be up, say, 50 points, when word comes that an obscure Latvian
company that manufactures ant farms is reporting earnings two cents below expectations, sending the Dow Jones average into a
feverish free fall, declining 200 points in 15 minutes.
Or perhaps the market appears to be recovering nicely, is up 80 points an hour before the market close, all the signs and
indicators are positive, when a Nova Scotia business that makes wax lips reports a takeover attempt by a Luxembourg company
that makes plastic buck teeth, and the U.S. market dovetails into the red.

I think part of the problem lies with Bernanke. Let's be honest, Paula Abdul could've been appointed Fed Chairman in
February and the markets wouldn't have performed any worse . We could've had "Federal Reserve Chairman Carrot
Top" and the markets would've probably performed better.
What troubles me is that Bernanke seems perpetually troubled, he just doesn't seem happy, he always looks worried.
Which doesn't exactly restore faith in the world economies. Of course he's not as sad as his predecessor, Alan
Greenspan, a man so dour he made Dick Cheney look like Happy Hooligan. I think that's the solution for the stock market, we
need someone happier at the helm. I want a Fed Chairman who jumps up and down on Oprah's couch. Then I think the market
is all right, and the outlook is bright.
The following is a short list of upbeat personalities, any one of whom would make a decent Federal Reserve Chairman.
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Jillian Barberie
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Rip Taylor
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That guy who sings "Don't Worry, Be Happy."
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Brangelina
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Bob's Big Boy
The main bugaboo are the aforementioned interest rates. Anytime word leaks out that the Federal Reserve Chairman told
somebody who told someone else, who called their third cousin, that Bernanke may continue raising interest rates, the market
plummets.
Higher interest rates are good for those Americans who save their money; unfortunately, that's only 35 guys.
High interest rates are bad for the majority of Americans who earn median incomes but are able to live like Royalty thanks to
the miracle of the modern loan, which enables people earning 18 grand a year to drive $70,000 automobiles and live in McMansions
resembling Wal marts only without the 80-year-old greeters up front.
The worst market performer is frequently something called the NASDAQ, which stands for "Nutty Anal Stupid Dumb
Annoying Queer" investment. The NASDAQ market contains most of the high tech companies. To demonstrate how well high
tech has performed recently, if you invested $10,000 in high tech stocks in, say, January, 2000, you're not reading this
sentence right now because your computer was repossessed several years ago.
In addition to the NASDAQ there is the "S & P 500 Index" which stands for "Sad and Pathetic."
I think step one in turning around this stock market is to get a chipper economic leader who doesn't look like the sky is
falling and has a few communication skills. I'm thinking "Federal Reserve Chairman Katie Couric."
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Brad Dickson was a monologue staff writer for The Tonight Show With Jay Leno for 13 years. He's presently developing a network television pilot. Comment by clicking here.
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