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Dec. 1, 2008
Max Freidlander, as told to Jacklyn C. Wadler: India Inkings
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Michael Feldberg: Meet the Orthodox Jew who laid groundwork for scientific development of ordnance that undergirds America's current world leadership
Andrea Simantov:
Shades of life
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The Jewish Ethicist
by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir : Getting Emotional For Influence
The Kosher Gourmet
by Ethel G. Hofman : Thanksiving feast!
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Rabbi S. Binyomin Ginsberg: 'I just Became a grandchild!'
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Caroline B. Glick:
Civilization walks the plank
Nov. 20, 2008
Rabbi Avi Shafran: Bronfman's blindness
The Kosher Gourmet
By Linda Gassenheimer: Portobellos add a hearty flavor to pasta with pesto
Nov, 19, 2008
The Jewish Ethicist
by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir : Spread the wealth? Jewish tradition and income equality
Elliot B. Gertel:
'Mad Men': Tackling prejudices or reinforcing them?
Nov, 18, 2008
Dr. Debby Schwarz Hirschhorn: The End of the Age of Reason
Jonathan Tobin: Does Barack + Bibi = Disaster?
Nov, 17, 2008
Rabbi Yonason Goldson: The End of the Age of Reason
Diana West: Gulling Americans into making terror legit?
Nov, 14, 2008
Rabbi A. Henach Leibowitz: The Power of Spiritual Inertia
Caroline B. Glick: The perils ahead
Nov, 13, 2008
Stratfor Intelligence Briefing: How Bush and Obama together could change the Middle East dynamic
The Kosher Gourmet
by JeanMarie Brownson: Sweet and savory, crispy and meltingly tender bestilla
Nov, 12, 2008
The Jewish Ethicist
by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir : Tyrannical Co-Workers
Michael Doyle: High Court to consider today donated monuments that may have religious messages in public parks
Nov, 11, 2008
Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Will Obama stop government officials considering institutionalizing financial jihad?
Jonathan Tobin: They Will Decide Their Own Fate
Nov, 10, 2008
Rabbi Avi Shafran: $8 billion, modern-day Tower of Babel being built?
Barry Rubin: A letter to the president-elect from a Middle East realist
Nov, 7, 2008
Rabbi Francis Nataf: Of Children and Immortality
Caroline B. Glick: Livni's Obama strategy
Nov, 6, 2008
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By Gina Kim: Tips for making the perfect soup --- includes recipes
Nov, 5, 2008
The Jewish Ethicist
By Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Destitute Debtors
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Nov, 4, 2008
Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Treasury Dept. submits to Shariah law
Frida Ghitis: A surprise for Obama in the Middle East
Nov, 3, 2008
Jonathan Rosenblum: Who says Jews are Smart?
Jonathan Tobin:
Was He Wrong About Everything?
March 22, 2007
J-Rhythms with Avraham Rosenblum: JWR's cutting-edge music program showcasing performers -- singers, song writers, musicians, and bands -- who learn and live the Torah lifestyle (OUR NEWEST IGODCAST !)
Oct. 29, 2003
Mortimer B. Zuckerman: Graffiti On History's Walls (MUST-READ!)
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Jewish World Review
June 17, 2005
/ 10 Sivan, 5765
I am a charm school survivor
By
Gene Weingarten
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
My campaign to become a beloved National Treasure has hit a small snag, in that most people seem to hate me. I judge this from the letters I get, such as this one, which was written in Magic Marker across the top of a recent column of mine, and which I quote here verbatim: "You are an idiot!!"
I am not. A major hallmark of idiots is that they aren't smart enough to know when to seek professional help. But when I found out a local high school was going to host an adult-education seminar on "How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less," I signed right up.
The instructor was a cheerful woman named Nancy. Nancy is an expert in feng shui, which appears to be the ancient, mystical Chinese art of rearranging furniture. Nancy immediately assured us that this class would be not at all New Agey, but a pragmatic, hands-on, scientifically based guide to achieving likeability by, and I quote, "adjusting your internal bodily energy circuits before you enter into another person's energy field."
So right from the get-go I sensed I was in trouble. It quickly got worse when Nancy asked people to suggest the sorts of attitudes that might help a person bond with others. Someone said "openness and flexibility." Someone else said "enthusiasm and cheerfulness." I suggested "negativity and sarcasm," on the theory that we often find ourselves at the mercy of morons, lunatics and incompetents, and that sometimes people can bond in recognition of, and joyful opposition to, this central, ghastly fact of life. Nancy gave me a look that suggested that her energy fields were about to open a can of whup-ass on my energy fields.
Next came some exercises. In the first one, we were to practice establishing instant rapport with another person, which involved doing things like physically aligning our heart with the other person's heart, shaking hands vigorously and with enormous faked sincerity, and, most important, establishing eye contact. A good way to make sure you establish eye contact, Nancy said, is always to make note of the other person's eye color.
I found myself paired with Heather, the youngest, prettiest woman in the room. I admit I was a little nervous and flustered. I decided I would start right off by not only observing her eye color, but commenting cheerfully and enthusiastically about her eye color, to establish rapport. It didn't go well.
Me: Hi! I'm Gene! I can't help but notice that you have . . . you have . . .
Heather: Yes?
Me: Say, what color are your eyes?
Heather: Actually, they're dichromatic. They're different colors.
Me: They are! One is sort of hazel and one is sort of brown! It's just like those dogs!
Heather: Those . . . dogs?
Me: You know, Siberian huskies? Some huskies have one brown eye and one blue.
Heather: Oh.
Me: (Uh-oh.) Wait, I'm not calling you a dog.
Heather:
Me: I mean, you look quite . . . fetching.
Heather:
Me: I don't mean like a dog!
Heather:
Me: I am going to sit down now.
Next our job was to engage our partner in conversation. Nancy had elaborate rules for how to do this, including the types of questions to ask (nothing that could be answered just yes or no), and the proper way to tilt your head and hold your eyes, and special, secret, encouraging phrases to use as a listener (e.g., "Wow!" "Really?" "I see!").
Heather and I started talking this way, but after tilting and blinking and properly aligning our hearts for a few seconds, we quickly forgot about the rules and just got to chatting, which is when I learned that Heather is a smart, engaging, likable person. She is a social worker, but also an avid outdoorswoman who has volunteered on wilderness rescue teams, finding lost hikers. I asked her if there were any interesting things she had learned from this, and she said that the genders react differently to this crisis in one principal way: Women thank their rescuers, while men who are rescued almost invariably deny they were lost, even if they were, like, licking rainwater from tree stumps and eating slugs.
Now, before I took this course, I might have laughed heartily at this observation. But, curiously, at no time during the five-hour-long lesson had the word "humor" even come up as a tactic for making people like you. So, instead, I said, "Wow! Really? I see!"
That's when we laughed.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
Gene Weingarten writes the Below the Beltway humor column for The Washington Post. To comment, please click here.
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