Jewish World Review June 30, 2005 / 23 Sivan, 5765
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Bill Clinton and former President Bush played golf in Maine
Tuesday. The two guys have become pals. They both hit two drives
off the first tee and played the better shot, which is cheating,
in case there's any doubt who's influencing whom.
The Supreme Court said last week a state can seize your home
to build shopping centers. It's for the greater good. Due to the
obesity epidemic, people buying larger-sized clothes every three
months is the only thing keeping the economy going.
The New York Mercantile Exchange saw oil prices end the day
at sixty dollars per barrel on Monday. It is changing the way
people think. Women in Los Angeles used to judge a man by the kind
of car he drove, but now they peek at the gas gauge.
Florida beachgoers returned to the surf Tuesday following a
recent series of shark attacks on swimmers in the Gulf of Mexico.
It doesn't deter the die-hards. The prisoners at Guantanamo get to
go surfing twice a day until they agree to talk.
Congress voted itself a three-thousand-dollar pay raise
Tuesday. It's a cost of living increase. It brings their annual
salary to one hundred sixty-five thousand dollars or, as it was
translated in Saudi Arabian newspapers, four hands of Baccarat.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2005, Argus Hamilton