Jewish World Review June 17, 2005 / 10 Sivan, 5765
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Michael Jackson found out Wednesday he might be sued by his
alleged victim's family just like O.J. Simpson was. The cases are eerily
similar. After the verdict Michael Jackson vowed to spend the rest of
his life searching for the real molester.
George Steinbrenner proposed building a new Yankee Stadium
Wednesday. He would finance the deal himself by using tax-free bonds
issued by the city. At the rate the Supreme Court is letting off the
Enron guys he thought he would give it a shot.
The U.S. Open is underway at Pinehurst under brutal conditions.
The holes have been lengthened, the fairways narrowed and the greens are
lightning fast. Amnesty International just likened it to golf courses
Josef Stalin used to build in Siberia.
The U.S. Senate on Wednesday voted to endorse a broad expansion of
the use of ethanol in gasoline despite its cost. Most Americans don't
understand the science of it. Ethanol is a product that's manufactured
by mixing corn with your tax dollars.
Oprah Winfrey announced last week that DNA tests prove she is
descended from the Zulus. This can only mean one thing. President Bush
and Tony Blair just promised debt relief to Africa and she doesn't agree
with something on her Visa bill.
Democrats accused the administration of approving torture at
Guantanamo prison Wednesday. Democrats know about torture. All last year
they knew that President Bush had better grades at Yale than John Kerry
but no one could get it out of them.
The Immigration Department arrested two hundred illegal aliens in
a sweep of New England on Wednesday. They had a good reason for starting
in New England. They could sweep California but then there would be
nobody left to sweep California.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
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© 2005, Argus Hamilton