Jewish World Review June 16, 2005 / 9 Sivan, 5765
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Phil Jackson agreed to coach the Lakers for ten million a
year Tuesday. His girlfriend is the owner's daughter and his
nemesis is Kobe Bryant. Ten million is a lot for a coach but it's
pretty reasonable for an eighty-two episode soap opera.
Michael Jackson was cleared of child molestation charges
Monday. Celebrities can get away with anything here. The runway
now is clear for Tom Cruise to flip out and kill the next person
who says his love for Katie Holmes is a publicity stunt.
Attorney Tom Mesereau announced Monday his client Michael
Jackson will never again let children in his bed. It was the
lawyer's idea. He doesn't want Michael Jackson to pay one more
cent of hush money until all his legal bills have been paid.
Bill and Hillary Clinton paid off the last of their
Whitewater legal bills on Monday. It took five years of book deals
and lecture fees. They had to clean the slate before Hillary
becomes president so they can start again with the same lawyers.
Porn star and former California governor candidate Mary
Carey attended a GOP fundraiser in Washington D.C. Tuesday night.
It was no surprise. Porn stars come to Washington D.C. for
continuing education seminars whenever it is base-closing time.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2005, Argus Hamilton