Jewish World Review June 10, 2005 / 3 Sivan, 5765
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Washington Nationals thrilled the capital Tuesday by
sweeping into first place. The town loves the game. Last night in
the suburbs the AT&T lobbyists played the SBC lobbyists and they
invited Russell Crowe to throw out the first phone.
Russell Crowe threw a telephone at a hotel worker in New
York Monday. It did no good. The outburst occurred an hour too
late to sway the Supreme Court's mind about the usefulness of
medical marijuana to counter the effects of Australian beer.
The Pasadena City Council rejected an NFL team in the Rose
Bowl Tuesday. The stadium is in a very wealthy neighborhood.
Pasadena would have gone along with the NFL's plans if the league
had had the sense to name the team the Security Guards.
Howard Dean told San Franciscans Monday that the Republican
Party is a white Christian party. Earlier he said Republicans
never made an honest living in their lives. Imagine how many
Philistines Samson could slay with the jawbone of this ass.
The Pentagon unveiled a brand-new missile-detecting radar
system Tuesday in Texas. It's very sophisticated. If North Korea
fires a missile at Los Angeles and it starts to veer away, this
system can hit the missile and put it back on course.
Bill Clinton flew to Indianapolis Monday for a book signing.
He was thrilled to hear that fans had lined up fifteen hours ahead
of time to meet him. If there's anything he likes more than
adultery, it's showing John Kerry and Al Gore that if they hadn't frozen
him out he could have drawn enough voters to put them over the top.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2005, Argus Hamilton